33 Who Am I?
by ARtheBard
Summary: JJ needs to take some time to figure out who exactly she is and who she wants to be. Is she still a profiler for the BAU? Or is the Pentagon position suddenly looking appealing? Hopefully some time with her family can help her decide her future.
1. Chapter 1

When Emily and JJ get home on Friday, Henry smiles.

"Hi, Mommy! Hi, Mama!"

JJ smiles and kneels down. "Hi, Henry. I love you."

He throws himself into her arms. "Love Mommy!"

JJ hugs him close. Emily runs her hand over JJ's head. "Told you he'd be okay, baby. He loves you. He was just…confused."

"No, he was mad. And he had a right to be." She eases him back and looks into his eyes. "How about you help me put Mama down for a nap then we go swimming?"

"YES!" he says happily.

JJ smiles. "Good. Let's go. Tell Mama to go to bed."

"Bed, Mama. Bed!" he orders.

Emily chuckles. "I don't normally take orders from ankle biters but I feel wiped out so this time I will."

Henry just grins at her. JJ stands with him in her arms. "Come on, Em. Let's get you lying down."

Emily nods. As she starts up the stairs she momentarily gets dizzy. Luckily Francesca is there to steady the brunette.

"Easy, cara. Your body is tired. Let me help."

Emily nods. "Yeah. Okay."

JJ is worried about how drained Emily sounds. As Francesca helps Emily down the hall, JJ detours into Rocky's room to get the baby monitor that is already set up and waiting. She sets it on Emily's nightstand. Francesca reaches for Henry.

"Come, Henry. Let's go get your bathing suit on, si?"

He nods. "Si!"

JJ laughs at his use of Italian. "Yep, just like his Mama."

Emily smiles proudly. As the nanny and their son walk out, Emily looks up at her wife.

"I'm…I'm scared, Jen. I've never felt this…this bad before. What if I've hurt her?"

JJ kneels in front of her wife. "You haven't, Em. Doc checked everything and said Rocky is okay. But you do need rest to make sure you both stay okay. Let me get you into your silk pajama set. It will help keep you cool, okay?"

Emily just nods. JJ doesn't say anything but the slight tremor still coursing through her wife worries her. She quickly undresses her and gets her into the shorts and blouse Emily likes to wear because they keep her body temperature down. She gets her under the top sheet and runs a hand down her cheek.

"I've brought in Rocky's baby monitor. I'll have the receiver with me. If you need anything, call for me, baby. Okay?"

Emily nods. "Yeah, okay. Can you turn the fan on? I feel so hot."

JJ lays her hand on Emily's forehead. She doesn't feel feverish so JJ isn't too concerned. She turns on the fan at the end of the bed then gets a glass of water from the bathroom. She sets it on the nightstand.

"Do you need anything else, baby?"

"Can you plug my iPod in and put it on the classical list?"

JJ nods and gets the device from its charger. She plugs it into Emily's clock and turns it on softly. Emily reaches out her hand, which JJ gladly takes.

"You take such good care of me, Jen."

JJ smiles. "You took care of me, too. And next time I get pregnant you will again." She lifts Emily's hand and kisses it. "We take care of each other, Em. And the way I see it, I have some time to make up for."

Emily shakes her head. "Not really. I missed a few months with you, too. I'd say we're even now," she says with a smile.

JJ grins and shrugs. "Okay. We're even. That means it's time for me to start building up points for next time."

Emily grins and nods. "Yeah, I guess it is." She sighs contentedly. "I love you, Jen."

"Love you, too, Emily." She leans down and kisses her. "See you in a little while."

Emily nods. She closes her eyes. Between regular vitals checks and fear she had slept intermittently at the hospital. But now in the comfort and familiarity of her bed, she can sleep peacefully.

JJ watches her until her breathing evens out. Giving her wife another kiss she steps into the bathroom and puts on her swimsuit. She stops by Rocky's room to get the monitor receiver. She meets up with Henry and Francesca in his room.

"Cara, take him and spend time with him. I will sit with Emily."

JJ shakes her head. "She's asleep already. Come down with us for a little while. I need to let you know what's going on the next week or so."

Francesca nods. "Okay. And, Jennifer, she will be okay. She is tough and so is your daughter."

JJ smiles. "I know. They are Prentiss women after all."

Francesca just chuckles having heard that saying for many years.


	2. Chapter 2

When they get to the pool Henry points at the water. "IN! JUMP!"

JJ smiles and jumps in, making a big splash. Henry laughs and claps. She reaches out to him.

"Can you jump to me, Henry?"

He nods and walks to the edge of the pool. He bends his knees three times and leaps to her. She catches him and lets him get in down to his shoulders before stopping him.

"YAY! Good jump, Henry! Have you been working on your swimming with Mama?"

He nods happily. As she holds him under the arms he lays out and starts to kick his feet.

"Good boy! Good kicking!" After a few minutes, she gets his swim vest from the side of the pool and helps him put it on. As he kicks and splashes, JJ looks up at Francesca, who sits on the side of the pool, dangling her legs in the water.

"I'm taking next week off. I plan to see Dr. Westfallen a couple of times if she can fit me in. Depending on how I feel about myself and Emily, I may take another week off."

"Jennifer, you are not quitting, are you?" Francesca asks with concern.

JJ shakes her head. "No. At least, I don't think so. I can't imagine not going back I just don't know when I will. Emily and Henry need me right now. They are my concern." She grabs Henry and spins him around in the water, making him giggle and cackle. She pushes his toy boats towards him, smiling as he pushes them while making motor and horn sounds. She looks back at Francesca. "I know it's kind of short notice, but if you want to take the week or anything you can. I'm hoping Emily will be up for a trip to my parents at the end of the week. They want to see me again to make sure I'm doing okay after everything over there." She rolls her eyes. "Imagine if they knew about the last couple of days."

"You will tell them, yes?"

JJ sighs. "Some. Not all. No need to give them more gray hair."

Francesca studies the woman a moment. "So I should not tell you when Henry gets a bump or bruise?"

JJ frowns. "What?"

"And when he grows up and moves away, you do not want to know when he's hurt or sick?"

"Well, of course I do but…but…"

"And if he becomes a policeman like his daddy or mommies, he shouldn't tell you about the bad things that happen?"

JJ sighs and stares at her son, who is happily making his boats talk to each other. She looks back to the woman that has taken care of all of them better than any other nanny would have.

"You're the one that taught Emily some of her logic tricks, aren't you?" Francesca just smiles proudly. "Okay, I'll tell them. Francesca, next time we're questioning a difficult suspect, can I call you?"

Francesca starts to laugh. "Si, cara. I will show you all how to guilt someone into admitting when they are wrong." JJ grins. "How about we see how the weekend goes with Emily and Rocky. Then I will decide whether to go up to visit my cousin or to stay here to help you if you need it."

JJ nods. "Sounds like a solid plan. Thanks, Francesca."

The older lady stands. "Now, you two have fun. I will go keep an eye on Emily. I will have some tea ready for her when she wakes up."

"You are a dream, Francesca. I didn't know what to expect with a nanny but I know I couldn't have imagined you."

"Ah, so sweet, cara. I love you all so much."

"We love you, too."

As the other lady leaves, JJ turns her complete attention to her son. They play in the pool for an hour. When Henry starts to get tired they climb out. JJ takes off his vest and wraps him in a towel. She sits down on one of the lounge chairs, cuddling him close. She kisses his head.

"I love you, Henry."

"Love Mommy," he says through a yawn.

She smiles holding him close as he slips off asleep. Sitting there with him, JJ stares out across the pool to the play area Emily had ordered just for Henry. Well, Henry and any _potential_ siblings. Rocky was more an idea at the time than an actual plan.

Her mind turns to the Lexus. She didn't even know Emily had considered trading in her sedan for a new vehicle. But Emily had done research, charted reviews, and read every article she could find before choosing the Lexus. When Emily came home with it she had JJ meet her in the parking garage at the condo. JJ had been stunned but touched. And when she saw the sticker price on the vehicle she had nearly passed out from shock. But Emily had said she would have bought a tank if it meant keeping Henry safe. JJ kisses his head.

"She's always looked out for you, Henry. She loved you before you were even born. She loved you even when she didn't know for sure she would be your mama."

She thinks about the house. Yes, she had picked it out but it is "Prentiss Money" that pays for it. At first JJ had been so apprehensive about using the money but then she saw this house. She had known this would be their home from the first time she read the listing. It had just seemed right.

"Think I chose okay, Henry? You liked it when I brought you here, right? I know you loved it when you were still in your walker. All the hardwood floors meant you could speed all over the ground floor. And there's been plenty of room for Alaska and Sergio, too."

At the thought of Alaska, JJ's mind strays to the dogs the killer had used. Her heart breaks for them. They were to be put down. They had to be. They were trained to kill. JJ shivers.

"Why the hell did I just…just order the dog to stop? How did I know it would listen? Or was I just praying it would? Maybe knowing Alaska, knowing he could have died, too, gave me the courage to try to save that dog if only for the moment. He was used and abused. He deserved a peaceful death."

JJ looks down at her son and sees he is still sleeping peacefully. She smiles. "I hope this means you've forgiven me, Henry."

When JJ feels herself starting to get sleepy, she stands. She resituates Henry to her shoulder and heads inside. She would not risk falling asleep with him out by the pool. She carries him up to his room. She changes his diaper and just puts him in a tee shirt. Setting him in the crib, she tucks him in, putting his teddy bear in his hands.

"You chose the one whose hair matched your Mama's. I wonder if she ever made that connection."

She kisses his head and wraps his towel around herself. She sits in the glide rocker, content to watch him sleep. She has no idea when she follows him into slumber.

* * *

"Jennifer? Jennifer, darling."

JJ slowly opens her eyes to see Elizabeth standing in front of her. She smiles and stretches.

"Hi. I guess I fell asleep."

"I guess so. How are you feeling?"

JJ stares at her a moment then looks away. "You know, don't you? About Detroit?"

"Most of it."

"Who the hell is your source?"

Elizabeth chuckles. "I'll never tell. But I will say I'm glad you're okay. Jennifer, I ask you this out of concern: do we need to get you and Emily some security because of this 'unsub' character?"

JJ shakes her head. "Honestly, I don't think so. He wants to best us. He can only do that by drawing us into a case. I think we can expect to get another package once he gets set up again somewhere. And the worst part is, that means at least a couple of people will have to die so he has something to taunt us with. Not a pleasant thought."

"No, it's not. Promise me you will be careful when he does. If he sticks to his m.o. he will be getting going again around the time Emily gets back from maternity leave."

JJ stares at mother-in-law. "Seriously, who are you? You're talking about his m.o., you know what's going on almost as soon as it happens, you used the term unsub. Who or what are you, Elizabeth Prentiss?"

Elizabeth laughs. "I am well-informed, Jennifer. My two daughters could be endangered by this man. I know as much about him as you do."

JJ swallows, choked up. "You don't know how much it means to me to hear you call me your daughter."

Elizabeth smiles and leans against the wall. "When I found out Emily was a lesbian I was sure I was being punished for something. I knew she wasn't just saying it to say it so it wasn't her punishing me. Over the years I checked into every woman she dated more than one time. There were a few that I thought might be okay." She chuckles. "And there were more than a few I thought I might have to pay to leave her forever."

JJ laughs. "I see. And where did I fall?"

"The more you continued to text me about how wonderful she was the more I was sure you were perfect for her. I could tell you were falling in love with her. And then there was Will." JJ blushes. "That sort of took me by surprise. But without Will, who is a wonderful man by the way, we wouldn't have Henry. Emily has always thought the sun rose and set in Henry's eyes."

JJ smiles proudly. "I know."

"Jennifer, you were the first person Emily ever dated that I actually hoped would stick around. You are smart, loyal, honest, and you get her. You always have. I am proud to have you in my family, Jennifer Jareau Prentiss. And I will always do anything in my power to protect you as I would Emily. Without stepping on your toes, of course."

"Of course," JJ agrees with a smile. "Thank you, Elizabeth, for seeing what she meant to me. I can imagine one of the things you had to watch out for was someone just after her money."

Elizabeth nods. "Sadly yes. And there were more than a few of those. Emily usually weeded those ones out fairly quickly. I think with you Emily had a different fear. She was scared the money would chase you away."

JJ nods. "I know. The night she finally showed me the whole 'Prentiss Thing' as I call it I was in a bit of shock. It took me a second to realize that she thought I was going to leave her because it was so much. I sometimes forget how insecure she can be."

"She hides it well. Sadly, that's a family trait I passed on to her. I'm glad she's learned better ways of dealing with emotions from you and your family. I've learned a few things myself from all of you. I think you've made me a person I can actually be proud of."

JJ reaches out and takes her mother-in-law's hand. "I know I'm proud of you. You, Gerald and Emily are proof that love really can conquer all."

"Thank you. Coming from you, I actually believe it." She pulls JJ up. "Now, how about we go check on Emily and Rocky?"

JJ nods. "Sounds like a good idea."

* * *

In their bedroom, Emily's head is covered with sweat. She moans, her body twitching. Francesca watches her, waiting to see if she needs to wake her from the nightmare she appears to be having. Before she can make her decision, JJ and Elizabeth walk in. JJ sees Emily's distress and races to her side.

"Emily, sweetheart, wake up," she whispers. She moves a lock of hair off the sweat soaked brow of her wife. "Emily, honey, wake up, please. You're having a nightmare, baby."

Emily gradually awakens. She stares up at her wife. "You're okay."

JJ smiles. "Yes, I am."

"He…he was chasing you and I couldn't get to you."

JJ shakes her head. "It wasn't real, baby. It was just a nightmare."

Emily sits up suddenly and pulls JJ to her. "I couldn't live if he'd hurt you, Jen."

Jen hugs her close. "You could. You _would_. For Henry and for Rocky. You would live for them, Emily. They would need you." She leans back and locks eyes with her wife. "But that's a moot point because, baby, you are stuck with me forever. Got it?"

Emily manages a smile. "Got it. I just get a little…morbid when I feel sick."

"Everyone does. You have a visitor."

Emily looks beyond her wife. "Oh! Hi, Mother."

"Hello, dear. I'd ask if you were feeling better but it doesn't look like it."

"Not really. I don't feel sick just drained. I should be okay by tomorrow."

Elizabeth lays her hand on Emily's forehead. "Well, you don't have a fever. That's good. Are you up for some dinner?"

Emily thinks a minute. "Depends. What is it?"

Elizabeth chuckles. "You tell us."

"Ummm…soup, maybe?"

Elizabeth nods. "Done." She leans over and kisses Emily's forehead. "I love you, Emmy."

Emily smiles. "I love you, too, Mom."

Elizabeth and Francesca give the women some privacy. Once they are alone, JJ looks down at her wife. "I'm worried about you, Em."

"I know, baby. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Just do what you have to do to get better. If that means you sleep all weekend so be it. Heck, sleep all week if you need to."

Emily chuckles. "You just want to keep me in here barefoot and pregnant."

JJ remembers a similar conversation and smiles. "Ah, a girl can dream," she says with a grin.

"Hey…that's my line," Emily teases.

JJ leans over and kisses her wife. "We're married. We share everything even cheesy lines."

Emily strokes a hand down her wife's cheek. "You are the best decision I ever made in my life, Jennifer. I love you."

"I love you, too."

They share another kiss. JJ then heads to the bathroom to get out of her swimsuit and shower before dinner.


	3. Chapter 3

Just before dinner is served the house is invaded…by the BAU. Luckily Gerald is cooking another one of his huge creations so there will be plenty for everyone. Morgan makes his way up to the bedroom. He knocks on the open door as he pokes his head in.

"I heard there was a lazy agent in here. That couldn't be true, could it?" he says with a grin.

Emily smiles at him. "Damn I've been caught."

He walks in and sits down beside her. "How are you feeling?"

Emily takes his hand. "Better. Mostly just drained and scared shitless. It hit me so hard so fast I didn't quite realize how bad it was until I went to stand up after Garcia took my blood pressure. I've agreed to strict bed rest until Rocky is born. Not even going to work from home."

He winces. "Damn, Emily. I knew it was bad but, no offense, to make you agree to not work it had to be even worse than I imagined."

Emily nods. "Yeah, it was. They…Dr. Manton said she thought they were going to have to do an emergency C-section this morning." Her eyes well up. "I'm so scared I've really hurt her, Derek."

"Oh, shit, Em." He pulls her into a hug. "If the doc said she is okay, she is okay. And you are going to follow her instructions now so she will stay okay. And anything you need me to do I will do to keep you and Rocky healthy."

She nods against his shoulder. "Yeah, I will. Thanks, Derek. It means so much to know you are here for me. I was so scared while you all were gone and then when I realized who you were up against in Detroit I-"

"Shhhh, stop, Em. Don't even think about it." He had felt her pulse start to race and rocks her slightly to calm her. "JJ is okay. I am okay. You and Rocky are okay. We're all going to stay okay." He kisses her temple. "Things are going to be just fine the next 3 weeks. There is no other option."

She sniffles. "Thanks, Derek," she says again.

In the hallway, Gerald and Elizabeth had waited with Emily's dinner, knowing she needed her best friend for a moment. When it sounds like the conversation is finished, Elizabeth steps into the room.

"Soup's on, dear," she says.

Gerald brings in a bed tray with a big bowl of soup, some saltines, a bottle of SmartWater, and a ginger ale. Derek stands and helps Emily get some pillows behind her to help her sit up.

"I wasn't sure what you would be up for drinking so I grabbed a couple choices," Gerald says as he places the tray over her legs. He then kisses her forehead. "How are you feeling, honey?"

"Tired. But really pampered, too," she admits.

He chuckles. "Well, since you always stopped us from pampering you as a child it's time we finally get our way."

Emily laughs. "True. I just wish it wasn't because you were scared."

"Whatever the reason I'm just going to enjoy it," Gerald tells her. "Ti amo, Emily. Mangiare ora per mia nipote."*

Emily smiles and nods. "Io, Padre. Grazie."**

Derek smiles at them. "You know, when you start speaking in another language around me I always think you're making fun of me."

Gerald laughs. "Never, Derek…as far as you know."

Morgan claps him on the shoulder. "Right. Guess Emily comes by her smartass genes honestly."

Emily smiles and nods. "Yep. It's a Prentiss trait."

Gerald winks at her. He then turns to Derek. "How about you go enjoy dinner with everyone while I have a quick chat with my daughter?"

It doesn't take a profiler to see that Gerald needs to speak to Emily. Morgan nods. He pats Emily's shoulder.

"Anything, anytime, you have my number."

Emily nods. "I do. Love you, Derek."

"Love you, too, Em."

As Morgan walks out, Gerald pulls the desk chair out of the office and sits beside his daughter. "Go on, eat up." Emily starts to eat. "Emily, is there anything your mother and I can do for you? Any specialists? Anything at all?"

Emily takes a second sip of soup before answering. "I wish there was, Dad. But at this point it's up to me."

He smiles. "Then I know things will be fine. Because if there is one thing I do know is that when you put your mind to something it's got a 99.9% chance of coming out the way you want it."

Emily chuckles. "Thanks. It will really help to know Jen has the next week off. Even if it's just a week it will give me time to even out emotionally."

"Good. But if you need something-"

"I'll call, I promise," she tells him.

"Good. Now, how's the soup?"

She smiles. "Wonderful. Have a hard time believing you just whipped this up."

He grins and shrugs. "Figured you wouldn't want anything too heavy. If I was wrong, you'd have it for tomorrow."

She reaches out and takes his hand. "Thanks, Dad."

He lifts her hand and kisses it. "My pleasure, Emily."

* * *

After dinner, Rossi, Reid and Garcia had visited with Emily for about an hour. But when Emily starts to look tired, JJ insists that everyone go so her wife and daughter can rest. She then brings Henry into the bedroom.

"Henry, how about we watch a movie with Mama? Does that sound like fun?"

The little boy nods happily. Emily smiles as he crawls up in the bed with her. JJ puts "Finding Nemo" in the DVD player, pretty sure her wife and son will not make it to the end of the movie. As she crawls in on the other side of Henry, she strokes a hand through Emily's hair.

"Need anything, honey?"

"Not right now. I took a bathroom break while you were seeing everyone out. I should be okay until after the movie."

"Okay." She leans over and kisses Emily's forehead, her hand still playing with her wife's hair. Her other hand is being held by Henry, who doesn't seem to want either of his mommies too far away. And JJ is perfectly happy with that.

About 15 minutes into the movie, Sergio pops up on the bed. He kneads a little nest in the blankets between Emily's feet and curls up. A few seconds later, Alaska's head pops up at the end of the bed. JJ cuts her eyes towards Emily, who just grins.

"So much for no dogs on the bed," JJ mutters. She looks back at the dog. "Come on, Alaska."

The pup leaps up onto the bed and lies between her and Henry. Henry smiles up at JJ. She chuckles at him.

"You're as bad as your mama, you know that right?"

"Love Mama!" he answers.

JJ laughs and kisses his head. "I love her, too, so I guess you're forgiven."

By an hour into the movie, JJ is the only being awake on the bed. It doesn't matter to her. She is just enjoying this time with her family. She strokes her fingers through Henry's hair. She tries to picture who he will be when he grows up.

"Three parents are cops, Henry. Will you follow in our footsteps or will you blaze a new trail? Hopefully we won't teach how to be a master criminal." She chuckles at the thought. "Yep, that would definitely be our luck. You better prove me wrong about that one, mister."

When the movie ends, she just turns off the TV. For tonight it would be fine for Henry to sleep with them. In fact…for tonight…JJ just needed him close by. She kisses his forehead.

"I love you, Little Man." She leans over and kisses Emily's brow. "I love you, too, Emily."

She slides down so she is lying beside them. But it is a long time before she stops watching them and follows them into dreamland.

* * *

**Per Babylon Translator:**

*** I love you, Emily. Eat now, for my granddaughter.**

**** I will, Father. Thank you.**


	4. Chapter 4

In the middle of the night, Emily gets up to go to the bathroom. She can't help but smile at her whole family asleep in the bed together.

_"Good thing we have a king size bed,"_ she thinks.

When she makes her way back, JJ is sitting up looking concerned. "Are you okay?"

Emily nods. "Fine. Except that my bladder is the size of a lima bean now."

JJ smiles nervously. "Ah, okay."

Emily stops at the foot of the bed, studying her wife. She backtracks and walks up to her. She takes her face gently in her hands "I'm okay, Jen. I promise. I actually feel a lot better. Dad's soup, Francesca's tea, all the rest, and you being home have been the perfect medicine for me. Really."

JJ brings her hands up to Emily's. "I've been so worried about you, Em. Not just last night but for the last 10 weeks."

"I know, Jen. But the spell I just had was the worst. You saw the charts. I think it was Rocky's way of saying, 'Enough is enough, Mama! Rest!' and so that is what I'm doing."

JJ smiles. "Good." She kneels up on the bed and pulls her wife into a hug. "I love you, Emily."

"I love you, too, sweetheart."

They share a quick kiss and Emily makes her way back to her side of the bed."

* * *

The next day, Emily and JJ are in the pool with Henry when Emily gives her wife a strange look.

"Do you realize you and I haven't had a real vacation since our honeymoon? And we haven't had a real family vacation with Henry since the summer after he was born."

JJ thinks about it a moment. "Geez…you're right. The only thing close was the Alaska trip. And that was a business trip. That's kind of sad, Em."

Emily chuckles. "I know. So maybe after Rocky is born but before I get off maternity leave the four of us can go away for a long weekend. I mean, I know it won't be super sexy time since Rocky will be so young but it will be just us…just our little family."

JJ swims over to her wife. She wraps her arms around her neck. "I think that sounds like a perfect idea." She gives Emily a deep, passionate kiss.

It ends when they are both splashed by Henry. They look at him as he giggles impishly. JJ releases her wife.

"Oh, you think that's funny, do you?" She starts to swim toward him. "I'll teach you!"

He squeals, trying to kick his legs enough to propel him and his floating ring away. JJ grabs it and spins him in a circle.

"WHEEEEE!" Henry squeals.

Emily laughs as JJ and Henry splash each other. Their laugher and squeals thrill her. For 9 weeks JJ's absence had been felt like an open wound. Now, hearing her laugh and play with Henry the wound was finally healing.

Life was wonderful at Chateau Prentiss this morning.

* * *

Saturday afternoon JJ says she wants to go to the Mall. She needs some new sneakers.

"I don't think there is any way to get all the sand out of the ones I have. Every time I shake them more falls out. I think I brought half the base back with me."

Emily nods. "I remember feeling like that after Egypt. I think that's when I started to wear so many boots."

JJ nods. "I totally get your obsession now," she agrees with a grin. "So are you going to be okay alone if I take Henry?"

Emily nods. "I think that's the best part of your idea. I'll be fine. Francesca is just a few doors away if I need anything. And, let's face it, he needs time with you, sweetheart."

JJ smiles at Emily. "Does it sound cheesy if I say I am so excited to spend the day alone with our son?"

Emily pulls her into a hug. "Not cheesy at all. Besides, I am supposed to be on strict bed rest. This morning's swim was probably not in Dr. Manton's plans but, well, I needed that time with the two of you."

"Baby, your blood pressure was down afterwards. I'd say she would be happy it helped settle you. Now," she kneels down and speaks to Rocky, "if you are a good girl and let Mama get some rest I'll make sure she gives you a can of sardines tonight, okay?"

As if in answer, Rocky kicks. The ladies laugh.

"I'll take that as a yes," JJ decides. She stands back up and looks into her wife's eyes. "Now to bed, you. Want a movie in? Or are you happy watching NCAA Football?"

Emily raises an eyebrow at JJ's mischievous grin. It looks just like Henry's. "I'll just watch TV but don't expect to know any scores when you get back, Mrs. Prentiss."

"Oh, alright. Oh, and I'm taking the Lexus. After 8 weeks of driving or riding in a Hummer the Camry seems small and vulnerable, especially if Henry is in there."

Emily nods. "No problem. Uh, Jen? Want to trade in the Camry?"

JJ bites her lip a minute. "Let me think about that. I'm just not sure."

Emily stares at her and sees where the doubt comes from. "Jennifer, it wouldn't have to be a Lexus like mine or like the Land Rover we bought Francesca."

"_You_ bought Francesca," JJ insists before she can stop herself.

Emily stares at her a minute then steps away, irritated. "Fine. Whatever."

JJ rolls her eyes. "Emily, I just-"

"Forget it, Jen. Just have a good time."

Emily pulls away and heads into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. JJ stares at the closed door and knows she has hurt Emily's feelings.

"Shit, shit, double shit, fuck," JJ mutters. She runs a hand over her face. She starts towards the bathroom but Henry starts to call for her, letting her know he is up from his nap. With another curse, she turns to go get him ready for the mall.

Once he is changed and ready, she carries him back down to the master bedroom. Emily smiles at Henry.

"Ready to shop, Champ?" she says with forced happiness. He claps his hands. "Good boy. Glad you can keep Mommy company."

JJ stares at her wife. "Emily…what I said…"

"Jen, don't. Not now. Not in front of him."

"Right. Of course. Let's give Mama a hug and kiss, Henry."

She sets him on the side of the bed. He gives Emily a hug and kiss. He then leans down and kisses Rocky.

"Love Wok."

Emily smiles and ruffles his hair. "She loves you, too, Champ."

JJ sets him on the floor and leans down to kiss her wife. "I love you, Emily. I'm sorry."

"I love you, too, Jen. We'll talk later."

JJ nods. They exchange a small kiss. JJ lifts Henry up and leaves.

After they go, Emily turns on the TV, mindlessly flipping channels but her mind isn't into watching anything. She turns it off and picks up her book. She reads the same paragraph five times before she gives up and sets the book aside. She reaches over and starts to scratch Sergio, who is curled up beside her.

"When is she going to believe that the money is hers, too, Serg? Why is it the money can pay for this house, pay for Francesca but when it comes to her it's taboo? Hell, if the kids go to private school that money will probably pay for it. Why the fuck doesn't she get that she is worthy of that money, too? It means nothing to me except as a way to keep our family safe and happy. Will she ever get that?"

Sergio just rolls onto his back. Emily sighs.

"Sometimes I'm reminded how much I hate the whole 'Prentiss Thing', buddy."

* * *

Despite the tense goodbye with Emily, JJ has a wonderful time at the mall with Henry. She finds the shoes she needs, he happily rides the little race car machine, they even share an ice cream sundae.

As they are heading out, a display in the jewelry store catches JJ's eye. She walks over and stares at the beautiful necklace with a sapphire teardrop pendant. JJ smiles.

"You know, Henry, that will be Rocky's birthstone. Think Mama needs a present?" He nods happily. JJ smiles. "Me, too."

She looks at the price tag. There is only one way she can afford it. She nods.

"And that's perfectly fine," she tells herself.

She walks in and tells the salesman which necklace she wants. She pulls out her AmEx Black and hands it over to him. She has to hold back a chuckle as the young man's eyes briefly flicker. Most people may not have even noticed…but she's a profiler. She tucks the gift into her purse and pushes the stroller out of the store.

"I hope Mama likes it, Henry."

By the time they get home, Henry is fast asleep again. JJ carries him into the house, leaving her shoes and some clothes she had bought out in the SUV. After she lays him in his crib, she makes her way to the bedroom. She is glad to see Emily awake.

"Hi," she says nervously.

Emily looks up, smiling at her wife. "Hi. Did you have a good time?" she asks as she turns the TV off.

JJ walks over and sits on the side of the bed. "Yeah, I really did. The only bad part was knowing I was a jerk earlier. I don't know where that comment about Francesca's SUV came from. I really don't. Well, maybe I do." She takes a deep breath. "Shit. I had a whole speech worked out and this is totally not it."

Emily can't help but smile as she takes JJ's hand. "Honey, take a deep breath. I don't need speeches. I just need to know when you're going to stop thinking of things as 'mine' or 'yours' instead of 'ours'. Do you not see us as equals in this life?"

JJ shrugs. "Sometimes. But other times the whole 'Prentiss Thing' is really intimidating, no matter how much you and your mother tell me I belong in this life. I don't want to have this hang-up and most times I don't. Honestly, I just don't know where that insecurity came from today it was just suddenly there again."

"What is going to happen when it comes time for Henry to go to school?" Emily asks with irritation in her voice. "Does he automatically go to public school because your FBI paycheck can't pay private? Or do we tap into funds from the trusts to pay for private school if that's the better option? Are you going to keep a ledger on-"

"NO! Damn it, Emily, just stop for a second! Please!" JJ takes a deep breath. "I don't know what to say to make you believe I'm working to get better about all this."

"Shit, Jen, we've been together almost 2 years now. Our 1 year wedding anniversary is approaching. Our daughter's birth is imminent. What the hell is it going to take to get you better? Why the hell is it so fucking hard?"

JJ stares at her hands a minute, trying to figure out a way to explain it. "When I was a kid, I realized early on that without a sports scholarship, either full or partial, I wasn't going to college. I heard people make comments about my parents having extra money since there were only 2 kids to put through college now instead of 3. Truth is, it costs a lot to bury a child."

"Oh, Jen," Emily whispers compassionately.

JJ waves that off, not wanting to get off track. "Anyway, so I worked my ass off to get a soccer scholarship. There were times I actually hated the sport; hated the parties missed for games; got mad about movies skipped so I could get to bed by 9 to be up at 5 to travel to some tournament. But I did it. I got into Pitt. And then I worked my ass off to get grants and scholarships to pay for grad school at Georgetown. I carried some loans but not many. And my parents didn't have to put much toward things other than books and incidentals. I learned to budget down to the penny and I have never lost that frame of mind." She chuckles. "That's probably why I like doing the BAU budget justification stuff."

Emily nods. "Probably."

"Anyway, what I'm getting at is I am not sure I will ever be 100% comfortable just…just accepting I now have…God, I can barely say it…millions at my disposal now. Hell, I own a _vineyard_, Em! Do you know how far beyond the realm of wildest dreams that falls for me?"

Emily sighs. "I…I guess I never really thought of it all that way. I mean, I know it freaked you out when we went over things but I never followed up with you to make sure things were okay for you. That was my fault, Jen."

"I had some fault in this, too, Em."

Emily smiles. "Oh, I know." JJ grins. "The Prentiss Funds have been this…this third entity in our marriage. What are we going to do about it?"

JJ takes her wife's hand. "We're going to treat it the same way all Prentiss women treat a foe: we're going to beat it into submission."

Emily chuckles. "Uh, and how are we going to do that?"

"We start with me just accepting that I am a Prentiss. I'm going to start paying attention to all the business reports, interest statements, and what-not that comes in. If I understand it then it can't scare me."

Emily nods. "Okay, I can see that."

"And we start with me accepting that if I see something ridiculously expensive that would look beautiful on my wife, I buy it for her using one of those freaky black credit cards we have." She pulls a small box out of her pocket. "I started working on that part today."

She offers the box to Emily. The brunette takes it, recognizing the name of a high end jewelry store at the mall. She looks up at her wife who is just smiling. Emily slowly undoes the ribbon and opens the box. Her eyes light up as she sees the pendant.

"Sapphire. Rocky's birthstone."

JJ nods. "Yeah. I knew it would look beautiful on you. I didn't even look at the price until I was sure I was buying it. That's being a Prentiss, right?"

Emily chuckles. "Yes, it is. Well, other than me. I budget, too, you know."

"I know. But you also know you have a pretty big safety net if you want to splurge or something. I need to get used to that. And the best way to do that, in my opinion, is buying something for the woman I love more than anything. And the woman I hate disappointing." She lifts Emily's hand and kisses it. "I don't like it when you're mad at me but, God, Emily, it rips me apart inside when I disappoint you."

"It was tearing me up, too."

JJ gestures to the box. "May I?"

Emily smiles and nods. JJ takes out the necklace and puts it on her wife. She nods.

"I was right. Perfect." She leans forward and kisses her wife. "As you once warned me, I'm not completely cured but I think I turned a corner today."

"I think you did, too. I love it, baby. Thank you."

"You're welcome." She bites her lip nervously. "Should I ask what your bp was when I left?"

Emily grins. "Well, let's just say it's been better, it's been worse."

"I see. You know, Henry's probably down for a couple hours. Can you think of anything that might help your blood pressure?" she asks suggestively.

Emily's eyes darken. "Um, maybe something."

"Something like…this?" JJ leans forward and gives her a deep kiss.

Emily moans as it ends. "Yep, I think something like that could help."

JJ stands and slowly undresses. "Maybe a full body massage?" Emily nods. "And by full…I mean…_full_."

"Oh, Jen," Emily murmurs.

JJ, now wearing nothing but a smile, pulls the sheet off of Emily. "Yep, I definitely think we need to test this form of therapy."

Emily smiles. "My body is your science lab. Test away."

And JJ happily does just that.


	5. Chapter 5

Dr. Lara Westfallen smiles as JJ walks in. "It's good to see you again, Jennifer."

JJ smiles. 'Thanks. I really appreciate you squeezing me in today."

The doctor nods. "No problem. From your message I can guess something happened after we talked last week."

JJ nods and sits down. She takes a deep breath. "I thought I knew what I was going to say. Now I don't."

"I see. So, how's Emily doing?"

JJ groans. "Complete bed rest."

Westfallen frowns. "Since when?"

"Since I was nearly killed by the man that nearly kidnapped me in Lancaster."

It takes the doctor a moment to remember the case. Finally she sits forward. "That was the man that used someone else to kill, right?"

JJ nods. "Yep, that's the one. This time his killer was using dogs to maul people to death."

"Ah, dogs. Something else we've discussed in depth. Tell me, should I clear the rest of the day for you," she says with a smile.

JJ can't help but chuckle. "Might not be a bad idea." JJ takes a deep breath. "Emily was the first to realize what was going on. He sent a package to her care of the BAU. I guess he thought she'd transferred or something and wouldn't get it in time to be helpful. I got a call that someone had hit my SUV in the hotel parking lot. When I went out there…he was waiting for me. Truth is, if I wasn't still so hyper vigilant because of Afghanistan I may not have sensed the man behind me. Meanwhile, Emily had opened the package, realized what's going on and called Hotch. As I ran for my life, I called Morgan."

"They got to you in time, thankfully," Westfallen says.

"Yeah. But for Emily, the damage was done." JJ looks away but not before the doctor sees the tears. "They nearly had to perform an emergency C-section to take Rocky. I did some ill-advised Googling and now I know that if they had, I could have lost one or both of them because Emily's pressure was so unstable. High and unstable."

"Oh, Jennifer, I can't even imagine what you must have been going through until you could be reunited with your wife."

"It was the fear I had over there again. The feeling that I wasn't where I was needed. I knew I had to take some time. I'm terrified of the job right now because the job means I'm not with Emily and Rocky. And right now they need me. If I tried to work I would just be letting everyone down because I would be no use to the team. Someone could die or get hurt if I work right now. And…and I'm scared it would be Emily or Rocky. The fact that I care more about them than the innocent victims told me what I needed to do."

"Do you think you'll go back to the BAU?"

JJ takes a deep breath as she thinks over her answer. "Yes. Eventually. But not until I get my head back on straight." She smiles. "That's what I've hired you for, right?"

Westfallen chortles. "Yes, I believe that's correct. So, what else do we need to talk through today."

* * *

By the time JJ leaves the shrink's office, she is feeling better. Still not cured, but better. They had even briefly touched on the "Prentiss Thing" and JJ is pretty sure they'll have to revisit it at some point.

One thing she hadn't touched on, something she'd been able to hide even from Emily, are the nightmares that had started plaguing her the first night the team was in Detroit.

"You'll have to face them eventually, Jennifer," she tells herself. "And sooner or later, Emily's going to catch you. She'll kick your butt if she thinks you aren't even trying to get help."

She stares out the windshield of the car. For the first time in her life she can't see her future. As far back as she could remember she had goals and aims. She had worked her butt off to get selected to a travel soccer team at 10. And she had never stopped setting goals for herself. More importantly, she had never stopped achieving them.

"But what do I want to do now? I know I want to be a mother to Henry and Rocky. I want to be a wife to Emily. But what else? Is that all I want?"

She looks at herself in the rearview mirror. She sees fear in her eyes.

"Am I too scared to work any more? Am I too scared to leave them? Scared that something could happen to them? What is going on in my head?"

She rubs her eyes, as if that will help scrub out the fear and replace it with the determination and drive she is used to. She looks into the mirror again.

It didn't work. She still looks scared.

"Shit. Emily knows, too. She's just letting me come to terms with it on my own. I owe it to her to get there quickly. She and Rocky need me since they are having a tough time. Get your head in gear, Jennifer. Do it for your wife and children. They are what matter, not the job, not the money, not some freak of an unsub. They need you, Jennifer. Get better for them," she coaches herself.

Taking another deep breath, she starts the car and points it towards home. Spending time with them is healing. Time to let their love lead her back to life.

* * *

JJ walks into her bedroom to find Emily sitting on the bed turning the pages of a large photo album. Henry is asleep on the floor with his head on Alaska's stomach. JJ just grins at them.

"What are you looking at?" JJ asks her wife.

Emily smiles. "Just feeling nostalgic." She pats the bed beside her. "Come here and see."

JJ crawls up on the bed and smiles. "Wow…big hair, baby."

Emily chuckles. "Yeah, it was a look, wasn't it? I was 14. It was the year before we moved back to Italy. I was into Duran Duran and I believe the theory was the more teased your hair the better the chance they would see you at the back of an arena."

JJ laughs. "Then they must have seen you with no problem at all."

Emily chuckles and nods. She turns a few more pages until JJ places her hand on the album. Emily looks up and sees JJ studying the picture on the page. JJ turns and looks into her wife's eyes.

"You were in love with her, weren't you?"

Emily bites her lip and looks down at the picture JJ is talking about. Emily and a blonde-haired girl stand with arms around each others' shoulders, smiling. But while the girl looks at the camera, Emily is looking at the girl.

"Yes, I was."

"What was her name?"

"Svetlana. She was my first female lover." She looks at JJ. "And I knew after the first time she kissed me that I was a lesbian. It just felt right. With John it had been…God, awkward isn't the word…it just didn't feel right. I thought it was because I didn't love him or because it was my first time." She sighs. "I was a good Catholic girl. Being a lesbian wasn't a consideration at the time."

"Then Svetlana came along?"

Emily smiles at the memory. "You could say that. She was the daughter of one of the cooks at our housing in Russia. The first time I saw her…she just stole my breath away. I had no idea why. Lucky for me she knew why."

"And can I guess she knew the ways of the world, so to speak?"

"Oh, yeah. Looking back, I know she carefully seduced me. To this day I don't know if she really cared for me or if I was just a notch on her bedpost." Emily looks at JJ. "I was alone, I'd had an abortion so I knew I was damned, and I hated Russia. Hated it with a passion. I was a pretty easy mark."

"She used you," JJ says sympathetically.

Emily nod. "Yeah…she did." She looks back to her wife. "To get to my father."

JJ winces. "Oh, God…Emily…"

Emily looks back down. "Yeah. That was…quite a shock. Especially when my father realized he was sleeping with the girl that had been the reason I came out to him the day of that stupid party."

"Em…why the hell do you still have her picture?" JJ asks incredulously.

Emily smiles sadly. "She was my first. And…and in some small way I loved her. I mean, not the love I have for you. I know that now. But she was my first love. And I learned a lot from her about sex, life and I especially learned to keep my girlfriends away from my father."

JJ grins at that last bit. "Sounds like good lessons."

JJ turns the page and laughs as she sees the senior picture Garcia had once tracked down. "Aha! Proof she didn't Photoshop that picture!"

Emily stares at it. "I really looked like that? Shit."

"SHIT!"

Emily cringes as she turns to see Henry standing beside the bed. JJ slaps her wife's arm.

"Nice one, honey. We just got him weaned off the f-word," JJ scolds.

"SHIT!" Henry blurts.

Emily sighs and looks at her son. "Henry, bad word."

He opens his mouth and Emily sighs in resignation. "SHIT!" they say at the same time.

JJ just laughs and pulls out her phone.

"What are you doing?" Emily asks.

"Calling my mother. She has to know I'm not the only bad influence in her grandson's life!"

Emily laughs as JJ moves to the recliner to talk to her mother. Emily stares at Henry.

"Come up here, Champ."

Henry goes to the end of the bed, climbs onto the bench on the end, and then onto the bed. He snuggles in next to his Mama and smiles at her.

"Henry, sometimes adults say bad words. When that happens, we get in trouble. I said a bad word so now I'm in time out. If little boys, like you, say it, you get a time out, too."

"Shit?"

Emily nods. "It's a bad word. Time out, Henry."

Henry frowns. "Fuck?"

"Oh, geez," Emily groans. "That's a bad word, Henry. Time out."

"Uh, Em? It might help if he knew what time was," JJ offers helpfully, getting a nasty glare from her wife. "Oh! Bad thought, Emily. Time out," she teases.

"Not. Helping. Jennifer." Emily says through clenched teeth.

Henry sighs and stares up at his Mama. He can tell he's supposed to be learning something but has no idea what. Emily looks down at his inquisitive face. She can't help but smile.

"You're too cute for my own good, Henry." He just grins proudly. She pulls him close and kisses his head. "Look, no more saying 'shit' or 'fuck'. They are bad. Bad boy means no playing."

Henry frowns at her. "Bad?"

Emily nods. "Bad," she answers with a frown.

Henry's bottom lip starts to quiver, tears well in his eyes.

_"Oh, crap,"_ Emily thinks to herself.

A giant, alligator tear slides down one of his cheeks.

"_Be strong, Emily. He has to learn. Be strong. Be strong. Be strong,"_ Emily coaches herself.

He sniffles, his blues eyes magnified by the tears that well in them.

_"Don't give in. Make him see…oh, shit. Fuck it."_Emily grunts and pulls him close. "I love you, Henry. Please don't cry. I'm not mad, Champ. I love you."

He burrows into her hug, one hand patting Rocky. Emily looks up and sees JJ also crying…but they are tears of laughter. Emily rolls her eyes.

"Way to be strong, Mama," JJ teases.

"At least I tried, Mommy," Emily pokes back with a grin.

JJ hangs up with her mother and moves back to the bed. "So, Dr. Westfallen can see me Wednesday at 11. Want to leave for Pennsylvania after I get back?"

Emily nods. "Yeah, we can do that. Uh…is your mother going to spank me?"

JJ nods in amusement. "Most likely unless you fix him before we get there."

"I'll work on it. Your mother scares me."

JJ picks up the photo album and continues to flip through the pages. She gets towards the end and stops on another picture. She looks up at her wife.

"Em? Who is this?"

Emily looks up from stroking Henry's head to stare at the picture JJ is pointing at. Her brow furrows in confusion.

"I…I don't know. See if something is written on the back."

JJ slides the photo of the red-haired woman out and flips it over. "It says 'Monte Carlo 1991' and nothing else."

Emily takes the picture and stares at the beauty. She has no idea who she is. She looks at her wife.

"I've never been to Monte Carlo. In 1991 I was at Yale. I pretty much stayed in the States so-oh…oh sh-darn," she mutters. JJ grins at the near slip. Emily flips the picture over and rolls her eyes. "How the heck did one of Father's flings get in my photo album? Gross!"

"Weren't you the one that put this album together?"

"No. Mother found a box with a bunch of pictures in it and had one of her assistants do this for me. I bet my father hid that picture in with mine so Mother wouldn't find it. Geez."

"What do you want to do with it?"

"Burn it."

JJ grins and sets it off to the side. As she flips to the next page, Emily rolls her eyes. "Oh, I so didn't need to see that."

JJ bursts out laughing. "Em, have you ever looked at this before?"

"I never got past Svetlana. Usually about that time I was reminded about how disjointed my childhood was and I set it aside. Jen, you have people in your life, friends that you've had since grade school. I couldn't even tell you the name of the school I went to for kindergarten." She frowns. "Assuming I even went to kindergarten. I may have been homeschooled."

JJ laughs, shaking her head. "Every day I find out something new about you. How is that possible?"

Emily smiles. "I'm a woman of mystery and intrigue."

JJ rolls her eyes. "Whatever."

The two look down at the picture of Emily's father wearing a Speedo. Emily looks at her wife.

"If you love me, you'll burn that, too."

JJ kisses her wife. "Never. You know, he's not a bad looking man."

Emily stares at her wife. "Something I should know, Agent Jareau?"

JJ shrugs, showing where Henry gets his impish smile. "Just an observation, Agent Prentiss."

"Riiiiight. Burn it, Jen. Or what is it you say to me? Cut off for life?"

JJ slides the photo out and sets it aside with the redhead's photo. By the time they finish the album Henry is asleep…and they have 23 photos to burn. Emily is fairly quiet. JJ stares at her.

"You okay?"

"It was funny at first. Now…geez, Jen…" she just shakes her head.

JJ stares at her wife. She brushes a lock of hair off her forehead. "I've said it before, I'll say it again: you're not him, Emily."

Emily turns and stares into her wife's eyes. "But I am so much like him."

"And you're so much your own person, too. You aren't an alcoholic, you're not a cheater." JJ swallows, blushing.

Emily sees the shame. "Jen, neither are you."

JJ leans against her wife. "I was scared I was going to be."

Emily kisses her temple. "But you weren't. It's not in you to be a cheater."

JJ doesn't say anything. This was another thing she had avoided talking to Dr. Westfallen about: Mack and…that night.

Emily raises her hand up to lift JJ's chin. She stares into her wife's eyes. "Jen? Did something more happen?"

"No! God, no! Emily, I told you exactly what happened and that's the only time it happened."

"Then why are you acting like you cheated on me?"

JJ pulls away and stands up, irritated. "I pay Westfallen to be my shrink, not you."

Emily stares at her as JJ stomps out of the room. Emily strokes a hand through her sleeping sons head.

"What the heck just happened, Henry? What is she hiding and from whom? Me or herself?"


	6. Chapter 6

The rest of Monday things around the house are very tense, even though the ladies try to hide it from Henry. JJ knows it is her fault but she can't seem to bring herself to fix things. For the first time since she returned from Afghanistan (and was at home) she doesn't take Emily's blood pressure before they go to bed. She hears Emily sigh as she records the numbers in the ledger. JJ swallows and takes a steadying breath.

"High?"

Emily nods. "Of course."

JJ sighs, knowing it's her fault. She stands by her side of the bed. "Should…should I sleep down the hall tonight?" she asks weakly.

Emily spins around and glares at her. "What? Why the hell would you do that?"

JJ shrugs and looks away. "I just…don't want to…I mean…if I'm the reason…"

"You know what, do what you want. I just don't know what's going on with you," Emily says angrily.

She gets up and heads into the bathroom. JJ watches her go. Part of her wants to retreat to the other room. Part of her wants to stay here, to see if Emily can heal the part of her that feels broken. And another part wants to run out of the house and just keep running. She doesn't even realize how long she's been standing there when Emily comes back out of the bathroom.

Emily stares at her wife's back. She takes a steadying breath before approaching her. She wraps her arms around her from behind.

"Jennifer…get in bed," she says softly. "Don't run away from me; from us. Please. I love you, Jennifer."

JJ sobs. "I feel like I lost myself over there, Em."

"I know. But I swear you are still in there, Jen. Don't rush yourself; it will take time to re-center yourself. And I'll be here for you every step of the way. I swear to you." JJ spins and buries her face in Emily's shoulder. Emily pats her back, whispering words of love and comfort. "I vowed for better or worse, Jen. This is the 'worse' part. I'm right here for you, baby. And I always will be."

"I'm so sorry, Em. So sorry. So fucking sorry," she sobs.

"Shhh…it's okay, Jen. Everything will be okay. I love you, sweetheart."

Emily gently gets her wife into bed. She makes JJ move to the middle then crawls in behind her. She spoons against her as best she can.

"I love you, Jennifer Prentiss. Don't ever forget that."

"I love you, too, Em. I'm just so…so…"

"I know, honey. I know." She kisses her neck. "It's going to be okay."

Emily holds her wife until she falls asleep, wishing she could do more for her. But she knows from experience that there were things JJ was going to have to work through and admit to herself before she would be healed.

"You can beat this, Jen. I know you can. If I could, you can because you are so much stronger than I ever was," she whispers to her sleeping wife.

* * *

At about 3 a.m. (as usual) Emily wakes up to go to the bathroom. She sees JJ is sitting in the recliner, staring out at the yard…again.

When she finishes in the bathroom, Emily sits on the bench at the end of the bed. "Want to talk about it?"

JJ turns and looks at her. "I just had a cramp. Woke me up."

Emily sighs. "You've had a 'cramp' every night since you got back from Detroit." JJ blushes. "Jen…why are you so scared to admit you are having nightmares? Are you trying to protect me or yourself from them?"

JJ turns back to the window. Just when Emily thinks she's not going to answer, she speaks. "I don't know. Both, maybe, I guess."

Emily nods. "I see." Emily stares at her hands. "When I got back to the States I didn't sleep for nearly a month. Catnaps here and there, usually with a gun in my hand, never longer than half an hour. I shot a hole in my closet one night, convinced there was someone in there. I jumped at every creak and pop of the house where I was living. And I told anyone who asked that I was okay. But I wasn't."

"How did you get better?"

"I got a letter offering me a position at the BAU. It was my dream job. That first case…going to Guantanamo with Reid and Gideon and coming back with a win told me I could do the job without losing myself again. And slowly I let you all in. Please, Jen, let me in. Let me help you. Stop trying to protect me. Out of curiosity, did you mention them to Dr. Westfallen?"

JJ shakes her head. "I'm just…not ready to analyze them."

Emily gives her a kind smile. "Something tells me they won't take much analysis." JJ gives a half smile. Emily stands and moves to her side. "Henry or Rocky or I or maybe all 3 of us are in danger; you can't get to us; something horrible happens. All the fears you had while over there about you and your teammates are spray painted onto us. And in your dreams…your nightmares…the worst happens."

"Yeah," JJ confirms.

Emily kneels down and makes JJ stare into her eyes. "Then when you wake up, Jen, _look_ at me. I am here, I am safe. Rocky is safe. And if you need to, walk down the hall and see Henry is safe. Don't let the nightmares beat you. You're stronger than that, Jennifer. You always have been."

JJ reaches out and strokes her wife's cheek. "I'm sorry I was such a shit earlier. Thank you for not hating me for being a jerk."

Emily turns and kisses JJ's palm. "I could never hate you, Jennifer. Never. Please, come back to bed."

"On one condition: I get to hold you and Rocky."

Emily smiles and nods. "Deal, Mrs. Prentiss." They stand. "And Jen? Talk to the Doc about all this. Tell her what you're still worried about telling me. Don't let it fester inside you."

JJ nods. "I will. I promise." She pulls Emily into a deep, loving kiss. "I love you so much."

"Te amo, Jennifer. Para siempre."

"Now and always," JJ confirms.

They get back into bed. JJ spoons into her wife's back, their hands clasped together over Rocky. JJ lets out a contented sigh. This feels right, feels safe.

"Thank you, Emily," she whispers.

"Anytime, Jen. Anytime."


	7. Chapter 7

On Wednesday morning JJ sits staring at the floor. Dr. Westfallen can tell JJ is extremely conflicted about something. When it becomes apparent the blonde is not going to speak, the doctor leads her into conversation.

"Whatever it is, I am not going to judge you, Jennifer. What has you so torn up it looks like you're about to run out of my office and never look back?"

JJ takes a deep breath. She slowly looks up and meets Westfallen's eyes. "What defines cheating?"

Westfallen is surprised by the question. "Uh, on your spouse?" JJ nods. "Well, I think all couples would define it slightly differently. What is your definition?"

"I promised my body, my soul to Emily on our wedding day. Over there…one of the NCIS agents crawled into bed…no, no that's not fair to her. Fuck." JJ takes another breath. "I had a bad nightmare. She woke up and came over to comfort me." JJ stands and starts to pace. Westfallen is glad to see that familiar trait reassert itself. "We'd been through hell, we were exhausted. We fell asleep together in my bed." JJ stops and stares at the wall. "When I woke up I forgot for a second where I was. I…I snuggled back into her arms. They felt warm, safe. I felt protected and…and happy." She turns to look at the doctor. "To me, that was cheating on Emily."

"I see," Westfallen says. "And does Emily know?" JJ nods. "What does she say?"

"She forgave me. She said if Mack gave me even just one night of comfort over there then it is okay. I swear, Dr. Westfallen, nothing sexual happened but it still feels to me like I cheated on my wife."

Westfallen nods. "I can imagine why you feel that way. You and Emily are a strong team. On tough cases you lean on each other, my guess is there are times you make love to remind yourself of the good in the world."

JJ nods. "Yeah, we do." She chuckles. "We had actually said we would abstain when on cases. That lasted…uh…one case, I think."

Westfallen smiles. "I believe that. So for one night someone else's arms gave you that same comfort."

JJ sits on the arm of the couch, her arms crossed in front of her chest. "Yeah."

"Jennifer, when you woke up, you thought you were in Emily's arms. What made you realize you weren't?"

"The wall. It was right in front of me because the bed was pushed against it. And the color was wrong. And then I knew where I was and I knew who was holding me. I was so…so mad at her. But Mack hadn't done anything inappropriate. So if can't be mad at her I have to be mad at me, right?"

Westfallen shrugs. "Who says you have to be mad at anybody?"

"I DO!" JJ yells, standing and kicking the couch in frustration. "Why the hell doesn't anyone _see_that! Why the hell don't my feelings matter? I just want Emily to tell me I'm an ass and a jerk and a cheater and just be pissed at me!" she says in anger.

Westfallen stands and yells back. "WHY? Why does Emily have to be pissed at you?"

"SO I CAN RUN FROM HER!" JJ screams.

Westfallen and JJ are both stunned by the statement. JJ starts to shake. Westfallen guides her onto the couch before the agent's legs give out. She squats in front of her, staring into terrified blue eyes.

"Why do you want to run from her?" Westfallen asks calmly.

"I…I don't know."

"I think you do, Jennifer," she encourages compassionately.

JJ stares at her a minute then flops back on the sofa. "Because she deserves better than me. I'm broken inside and she deserves better."

"I see. And is that insecurity what is giving you nightmares?"

JJ rolls her eyes. "How the fuck did you know?"

"No offense, but you could haul grain with the bags under your eyes. When was your last good night's sleep?"

JJ thinks a minute. "Before…before we heard about the bastard that thought he killed Amy. Maybe even farther back than that. I don't know anymore."

Westfallen nods. "I'm not surprised. Jennifer, not sleeping will only make things worse for you mentally. You can't heal if you don't sleep. And the less you sleep, the worse your nightmares will be." She takes JJ's hands. "Can I guess you're hiding your nightmares from Emily to help her blood pressure?"

"Yeah. But she figured it out. She knew I was avoiding sleep so I wouldn't dream. She knows me better than I know myself most times."

"Because she loves you, Jennifer."

"Yes, she does. Sometimes I still don't know what she sees in me. I'm just…just a small town girl unlike some of her former lovers."

"Former is the key word there, Jennifer. It's you she loves, you she chose to spend her life with, you she chose to have a family with. I don't think I'm breaking privilege by telling you she has said you have taught her so many wonderful things about love and family and faith. She often wonders what you see, what you _ever _saw, in her."

JJ finally smiles. "We talk a lot about things I had growing up that she didn't and vice versa. We call them our 'grass is always greener' discussions. I love her so much I could never just leave her."

"Unless she gets mad at you for a relatively innocent night that saved your sanity."

"Yeah."

"So, here's the big question: when you leave here today, are you going to try to piss her off or are you going to accept the love she extends to you?"

JJ fingers her wedding and engagement rings. "I love her so much. I'm going to try to accept her love. And I'm going to try to get my head on right."

"Good. What about work?"

JJ sighs. "I'm…going to take this week and maybe next week. We're going to my parents today. Hopefully I can see my brother and his family." She smiles. "They named my nephew for me. Sort of. Aidan Jay Jareau. The Jay is for me."

Westfallen smiles. "That's wonderful."

"They call him AJ since I'm JJ." She takes a deep breath. "And then next week I'm going to try to figure out what my next step in life is."

"Is there any question about the next step?"

"Right now there are a lot of questions. Hopefully by next week I'll have gotten rid of a few." She takes a deep breath. "I want to go back to work eventually. But my first priority is my family."

"Wrong, Jennifer." JJ frowns. "Your first priority needs to be _you_ right now. That's not being selfish," she says before JJ can object. "But if you don't fix yourself can you really be there for them?"

JJ mulls that over a moment then nods. "You're right."

Westfallen smiles. "That's why Emily pays me the big bucks."

JJ laughs, feeling lighter emotionally than she had since before the case in New Orleans. "I said it before and I'll say it again, Emily isn't paying you enough."

Westfallen chuckles. "I'll up her bill this month," she says with a wink.

* * *

JJ sits in her Camry staring at their house. Normally she parks in the garage but right now the Lexus is in there beside Francesca's Land Rover so it can be packed for the trip.

The front door opens and the older lady makes her way to JJ's car.

"Jennifer? Are you okay?"

JJ smiles at Francesca. "Getting there, Francesca. I'm getting there. I was just sitting here to remind myself that the most important things in my life are in that house. I have to get better for them. The job is secondary to that. They are the reason I need to get right in my head."

"Si, cara, they are."

JJ smiles at her. "I meant you, too, Francesca. You are very important to me. I love you very much."

"I love you, too, cara. Come inside and get your things ready. Henry just went to sleep so it will be a little while before you leave. Time for you to talk with your wife."

JJ frowns. "What's wrong?"

"She is scared of you, Jennifer. She is scared you want to leave her."

JJ sighs. "I am such a shit." She turns her car off and gets out. "Thank you, Francesca, for telling me. And I promise, I don't want to leave her."

Francesca smiles. "I know, cara. Now go make sure she knows."

JJ nods and makes her way into the house. She finds Emily dutifully resting in bed. She strokes a hand down her wife's cheek. Emily's eyes flutter open.

"Hi," she says, studying her wife's face. "Good visit with Doc?"

JJ smiles and nods. "Yes." She sits on the edge of the bed, her hand sliding under the tee Emily wears to stroke Rocky. "I had a breakthrough today. Turns out I was trying to piss you off so I could leave you."

Emily frowns, her pulse picking up speed. "You…you were?"

"Yeah, I was. I'm an ass, Emily. I promise that shit is over. I'm still working to get back to the woman you married, but I'm not going to run from you or try to drive a wedge between us anymore."

Emily smiles. "I'm glad. I love you, Jennifer. When you need to talk you have my ears."

"I know." She leans down and gives her wife a kiss.

As it ends, Emily stares into blue eyes that are no longer as dull as before. "I'm starting to see you again. I've missed you so much, Jen."

"I've missed me, too," she says with a grin.

JJ walks around to her side of the bed and climbs in. She cuddles up against her wife. She sighs in comfort.

"I…I'm sorry I tried to push you away, Emily. It won't happen again."

"I know, Jen. I know."

Emily sighs. For the first time since she had found out her wife was going to Afghanistan she feels her blood pressure actually go down.


	8. Chapter 8

JJ glances into the rearview mirror again. This time Emily knows she saw the flicker of concern.

"What?" she asks.

JJ glances at her. "What?"

Emily rolls her eyes. "That's what I asked you. What do you keep looking at?"

"I think we're being followed."

Emily, reclined in her seat, lifts her head enough to look at the side view mirror. "Which one?"

"Blue sedan 2 cars back. Pulled out of the mini-mall north of the gates," JJ says, meaning the gates to their community. "He changes lanes when I do, even when I was just testing him. Stays that far back no matter the speed."

Emily nods. She lifts her head again. "I'm seeing 2 people in the car."

JJ nods. "Me, too."

"Plate?"

"Virginia plate RBD-6672."

"Right," Emily pulls out her phone and calls Garcia.

"Aren't you supposed to be on the way to Jareauville?" she answers chirpily.

"Garcia, run this car. Virginia plate Romeo Bravo Delta 6-6-7-2."

"Shit! Let me get to my office!" Garcia doesn't question the request; she hears the worry in Emily's voice.

JJ glances at Emily. "He couldn't have a puppet yet, right?"

Emily shakes her head. "No way. I mean…unless he was using one and training another? How the hell would we know? We don't even know the-"

"Got it!" Garcia blurts. Emily puts her phone on speaker so JJ can hear. "Emily, it's registered to a private security company: Allendale Security."

Emily frowns in confusion. "A security company? Why would-"

It hits her and JJ at the same time.

"Elizabeth/Mother!" they say simultaneously.

"Thanks, Garcia," Emily says as she hangs up on the analyst.

She immediately dials her mother's number as JJ takes the next exit so they can confront their paid stalkers.

"Hello, Emily, how are you feeling today?" Elizabeth answers happily.

Emily grinds her teeth. "Allendale Security, Mother."

There is a moment of silence. "Now, Emily, understand I was just concerned and-"

"AND YOU DIDN'T THINK A STRANGE CAR FOLLOWING US TO PENNSYLVANIA WOULD CAUSE ALARM?!" Emily shouts, waking Henry. Emily kicks herself as he starts to cry, scared. "Mother…what the hell were you thinking?"

"Oh, Emmy, I…I didn't think of their car causing you fear. I am so sorry. Your father and I are just worried about you. All of you."

Emily runs a hand down her face as JJ gets out and storms towards the security detail. "Mother, thank you for your concern. But I promise you, the unsub will not try to take us like this. It would have no meaning for him to just…just kill us this way. I know you don't understand that but you have to trust us."

Elizabeth sighs. "Are you sure, honey?"

"I'm sure, Mom. I swear. Now call them off."

"Okay. But if at any time you need them-"

"I'll call you. I promise."

"I love you all so much, Emmy."

Emily smiles. "I love you, too, Mom."

As Emily had spoken to her mother, JJ had pulled out her badge and gun as she approached the sedan, which had parked several spaces away.

"GET OUT OF THE CAR! NOW!" she orders. Yes, she knows they were hired but they are still going to get the shit scared out of them. It will make her feel better.

The men slowly get out, their hands raised. "Ma'am, my name is-"

"I don't care what your name is. Number 1) You suck at following discreetly. And 2) You're fired. Come near my wife, my children, my family, anyone I know ever again and you will find out just how angry I can get."

The terrified men just nod. Though they both probably double up JJ's size, they are wise to fear the small, furious agent.

JJ turns and makes her way back to the Lexus. She sees Emily standing beside Henry's door, comforting the little boy. Emily looks up with shame.

"I yelled at Mother and scared him awake."

"Mama bad!" Henry pouts. Emily winces.

JJ lays a hand on Emily's arm. She smiles at Henry. "She's sorry, Little Man. Mama didn't mean to wake you. You want some juice?"

Henry nods, his left hand tangled in Alaska's fur. The pup has his head on Henry's lap. JJ scratches his ear as she pulls out Henry's sippy cup.

"Here you go. Think you can forgive Mama?"

Henry takes a big drink. He smiles. "Love Mama."

Emily smiles. JJ steps aside so Emily can lean in and give him a kiss. "Love you, Champ."

He gives her a kiss on the cheek. JJ chuckles. "So, we ready to get going again?"

Emily nods and soon they are traveling again. Emily is almost back to sleep when she hears a splash followed by Henry's sing-song voice.

"Uh-oh! Ska stinky!"

Emily's eyes fly open. "He peed in my car?"

JJ laughs. "Uh, no. Henry got the lid off his sippy cup."

Emily turns enough to see the pup sitting up against the door…covered in apple juice. She can't help but laugh at the look on his face.

JJ takes the next exit so they can clean up the seat, the dog and the boy. After 15 minutes, JJ looks at Emily.

"Think we'll make it today?"

"Not sure. Many more unexpected stops and they'll think we got lost."

JJ laughs and looks in the rearview mirror. Alaska has his head in Henry's lap again. Obviously he forgave his buddy. JJ shakes her head and starts off again.

* * *

"…and then Emily had to pee again so that's why our 4 hour drive took almost 5 and a half," JJ finishes telling her mother about their eventful trip, leaving out the part about the security detail they had to lose.

Sandy laughs and shakes her head. "You two can't just have a simple day, can you?"

Emily laughs. "We like to keep life interesting."

JJ rolls her eyes. "Trust me…I could handle dull for a few days."

Sandy pats her on the leg. "Well, I promise to try to bore you to tears while you're here."

The ladies all laugh. Emily shifts uncomfortably. "Please don't think me rude but I really need to lie down. My back is killing me."

"No problem, Emily. Why don't you just stay here in the living room?" Sandy suggests. "Alan should be home soon and we'll be eating dinner in about an hour."

Emily nods. "Works for me."

JJ gets up so Emily can stretch out on the couch. "Oh, honey…your ankles!"

"Yeah, tell me about it."

JJ sits down and pulls Emily's feet into her lap. She starts to massage them, earning a thankful groan from Emily. Sandy smiles at them. She looks at her grandson, who is playing with his cars nearby.

"Henry, how about you come help me make some cookies?"

Henry's ears perk up and he smiles. "Cookies? Yummm!"

Sandy smiles as he climbs to his feet and takes her hand. They make their way to the kitchen, Alaska following them.

JJ turns to her wife. "Do you need me to get you anything?"

Emily shakes her head. "Nope. What you're doing is perfect. Thank you, Jennifer."

JJ smiles. "I seem to remember you doing this for me more than once."

Emily smiles. "I remember. I loved taking care of you; loved being the one you wanted to be with."

"I was all set to go it alone," she says sadly.

* * *

**JJ stares at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were puffy from the tears she had shed. Maybe she didn't love Will but what if this was wrong?**

**"Maybe I shouldn't have said anything," she says to her reflection. "Then I wouldn't be alone." She rubs her stomach, feeling Henry kick inside. "You need a daddy, Henry. How the hell are we going to keep him in your life if he lives in New Orleans? We can't afford this. What the hell was I thinking?"**

**JJ walks away from the mirror, not wanting to see the guilt and regret in her face any longer. She wanders her apartment, stopping at the shelf with various pictures of the BAU. **

"**Maybe I should call Pen? She'll understand. She's known for a while the doubts I've had."**

**JJ pulls out her cell phone…but she just can't hit the number. She thinks about calling Emily but then remembers she and Reid have an early flight tomorrow to go look into allegations of child abuse by a religious cult.**

"**Yeah…last thing she needs is to be tired for that," JJ scolds herself. She rubs her stomach. "I guess I should just get used to being alone, Henry. Well, not really alone. I'll have you. I can't wait to meet you, my sweet boy."**

**JJ wanders aimlessly around her apartment. Her eyes fall on the New Orleans Saints Christmas Ornament sitting beside her Washington Redskins one. Suddenly she knows she's made a huge mistake.**

**"He's a good man, he loves me, he wants to be a daddy. Why the hell did I break up with him? Why? What the hell was I thinking?"**

**JJ closes her eyes to stop the tears threatening to fall once more. When she opens them her eyes immediately see a picture of Emily and Reid laughing at something that has Morgan looking irritated. JJ walks over and lifts up the photo.**

**"I was thinking that my heart is hers, not your father's, Henry. I am so sorry, Little Man. I really wish I could have loved him but…but I couldn't subject you or him to a marriage based on a lie." She draws a finger down Emily's image. "She's seeing someone right now. She's happy. I missed my chance with her."**

**JJ puts the photo back, this time not bothering to stop the tears.**

* * *

"JEN!"

JJ jumps and looks at her wife's concerned face. "What?"

"Where did you go? Jen, you're crying. What's going on? Afghanistan?"

JJ reaches up and wipes away a tear. She laughs wryly. "No, actually." She takes a cleansing breath. "I was thinking about the night I broke up with Will. I wandered aimlessly thinking I'd made a huge mistake. You were dating Carla, happily so I thought."

Emily chuckles. "I broke up with her two nights before. Just didn't say anything because I didn't want to talk about why."

JJ laughs. "We were fools, weren't we. What would have happened if you and Reid had gone to Colorado and returned with no problems?"

Emily shrugs. "I don't know. I'd like to think that the minute you told me Will was no longer in the picture romantically that I would have had the guts to make a move on you."

JJ smiles. "I wasn't sure how I was going to tell you. Had a few fantasies about how it would go down but none of them touched what actually happened."

Emily chuckles and raises an eyebrow. "Fantasies? Care to share?"

JJ shakes her head. "Nope. Reality was better. I'd rather you just remember that."

Emily smiles at her wife. "I promise you, Jennifer, that is a night I will never forget and never ever take for granted."

JJ nods. "I know, sweetheart. I know."


	9. Chapter 9

Dinner that night includes good food and lots of laughter. Though she hates to break up the party, Emily has to go lie down again. Alan goes with her and Henry into the rec room while JJ stays in the kitchen helping her mother clean up. Sandy steals a glance at her daughter.

"So, ready to tell me why your blue eyes aren't as sparkling as usual?"

JJ sighs. "Never could hide anything from you."

"Oh, I don't know. I never knew for sure you read your sister's diary until recently."

JJ manages a small smile. "True." JJ looks into her mother's eyes. "I'm scared I'll…I'll hurt you, Mom. I don't want to terrify you."

Sandy takes her daughter's hands. "Talk to me, Jenny. Let me help you."

JJ leans against the kitchen counter. "I…I'm having nightmares about…over there."

"I'm not surprised. But that's not all, is it?"

JJ slowly shakes her head. "I wasn't going to tell you but Francesca guilted me into promising I would." JJ looks down, refusing to meet her mother's eyes. "I, uh, in our last case we sorta ran into a blast from our past. Remember the guy from that case in Lancaster?"

Sandy stiffens. "The one that hit Emily and tried to kidnap you?"

JJ nods. "Yeah, that one. He was the one behind the murders in Detroit. He, um, almost…shit…"

Sandy steps to her daughter and lifts her chin. Her eyes are flames. "Did he hurt you, Jenny?"

JJ eyes are filled with tears. "He tried." She tells her mother everything that happened. "He got away, Mom. He'll try to draw us into a case again somewhere. He…he wants to hurt our team, me and Emily, especially."

"Oh, God, Jenny…"

"But we know he's out there, Mom. We know what he looks like. Flyers have been sent out all over the U.S. Someone, somewhere will see him. Hopefully we'll be able to get him before he can start the killings again."

"And if he comes after you all directly?"

"We know he's out there. We'll keep an eye out for him. I swear." She chuckles and tells her mother about catching the security detail, something she had skipped earlier. "So we're even aware of things that aren't a danger to us. But I promise you, Mom, we'll be careful."

Sandy pulls her daughter into a hug. "I know you will. Remind me to send you the bill for the dye job I'm going to need."

JJ laughs. "No problem. I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too, Jenny."

* * *

When they had gotten to the rec room, Alan had looked at Emily. Emily had smiled, recognizing JJ's "we need to talk" look. Now Emily knew where her wife got it.

"When was the last time she slept, Emily?" he asks directly.

Emily sighs, thinking. "Honestly? I don't know. I know she got one decent night in Afghanistan but even that wasn't probably a good night. I would have to say it was probably before…we were up here for…you know…"

"Before you all had to investigate Amy."

Emily nods. "Yeah. She's dealing with it all, though. She's taking a couple weeks off to get her head on straight. She'll be okay with time."

"I hope so," he says. "What about you? No offense, but you're not looking too hot, either."

Emily sighs. "No, I'm not. And I'm not doing as good as I could be. The last time my bp spiked so badly I ended up in the hospital overnight. Dr. Manton also thought they would have to take Rocky to keep her safe," she finishes, rubbing her stomach unconsciously.

"Oh, Emily," he says sympathetically. "What caused the spike?"

Emily's eyes widen as her heart skips a beat. "Uh…well…um…"

Alan raises an eyebrow, his blue eyes turning to steel…another JJ trait that tells Emily there would be no dodging this question. "Emily…what happened to cause the spike?"

Emily sighs. "Damn." She tells him what happened in Detroit. By the end he is up and pacing. "But we're going to be okay. This unsub won't make a move until he has his puppet ready to start killing. And that is what gets to all of us: unless he screws up and gets caught for some reason, we won't get to go after him until he kills again."

"Damn. How do you know he won't just come right after you?"

Emily thinks a moment before answering. "This will only make sense to the unsub and those of us who study them. This man needs to best us. He has to prove he is better than us by killing while we are looking for him. And, yes, his aim is to make one of us on the team his final kill in some city. Not only will it satisfy his urge to kill but it will satisfy his desire to prove how much smarter than us he is. He's a narcissist at heart. To just…attack one of us without all the elements he wants in place would not please him."

Alan stares at her a moment before shaking his head. "You're right…that doesn't make sense to me. But you're sure you're right?"

Emily nods. "Yes, I am."

He stares into her eyes and sees no deception. He nods. "Okay."

* * *

JJ walks into the bedroom. Emily smiles at her.

"All good?"

"Yep, Henry is sleeping just fine and Alaska is happily curled up under the crib."

Emily grins. "Good. Going to tell me how happy you are to have the puppy now?"

JJ gives her a sly look as she starts to change into pajamas. "I believe I've mentioned that before."

Emily nods. "I know. I just like hearing that I was right about him."

JJ throws her shirt at her wife. "Brat."

"Yep," Emily says proudly. Inside she is thrilled. Once again, she sees more of the old JJ spark coming back.

As they crawl into bed, JJ spoons against her wife's back, her hand rubbing over Rocky. Emily sighs in contentment. JJ smiles and kisses her neck, her mind on their first night at the Jareau's house.

* * *

"**So we're sharing your old room? Seriously?" Emily says nervously.**

**JJ nods. "Yes. Why is that a problem for you?"**

"**Well…it's just…I mean…"**

**JJ pulls her down into a kiss. "Emily, calm down. I promise not to take advantage of you."**

**Emily blushes. "Geez, Jen! Don't say that!"**

**JJ frowns. "Why not?"**

**"Your parents could hear and think we have sex or something!"**

**JJ bites back a laugh. "Emily…we _do_have sex."**

**"But not _here_!" Emily hisses.**

**JJ can't stop the laugh this time. "You are so freakin' adorable. Get in bed, honey."**

**Emily finishes changing. JJ had turned her back to get something out of her suitcase. When she turns back she bursts out laughing again.**

**"Are you serious? That's what you're wearing to bed? What, was your suit of armour at the cleaners?"**

**Emily looks down at the sweatpants and hoodie she is wearing. "What?"**

**"Emily, you normally sleep in the nude at home. And on the road, you usually wear silk sleep shorts and a silk top or tee shirt."**

**Emily shrugs, not meeting JJ's eyes. "I, uh, was worried I'd get cold."**

**JJ shakes her head in amusement. "Emily, get into your pajamas."**

**Emily sighs and turns her back to JJ to change. JJ rolls her eyes at that. She almost gets irritated…then she decides getting evil would be more fun. Once changed, Emily quickly gets in the bed, lying as close to the edge as she can.**

**_"Yep,"_ JJ thinks to herself, _"evil is definitely needed here."_**

**She crawls in behind her girlfriend. She gets as close as her baby bump will allow and starts to run her hand over Emily's back and arms.**

**"JJ…don't…please," Emily asks firmly.**

**JJ just smiles and starts to rub lower, her hand lightly squeezing Emily's tense buttocks.**

**"Jen…seriously…don't."**

**JJ's hand slips under the waistband of the shorts, moving to Emily's front and just stroking the warm curls between her legs. Emily moans, her hips thrusting despite herself.**

**"Jennifer…we…can't…here…in…Oh God!"**

**JJ had slipped one finger between the curls to press against the hard clit. Even as she protests verbally, Emily's body betrays her.**

**"Jen…no…we…can't…" she mutters as she bends her knee, giving JJ more access to her throbbing center.**

**JJ draws her tongue up her girlfriend's neck. "Roll over, Emily. Let me make love to you."**

**Emily can't fight any more. She rolls to her back. JJ eases up and stares down at her.**

"**For the first time ever I am going to make love to someone in my room."**

**Emily can only moan when JJ kisses her as her hand dives into Emily's center. Emily lifts her shirt up.**

**"Please, Jen," she begs as her breasts appear from behind their silk curtains.**

**"Mmm, gladly," JJ moans as she pulls one nipple deep into her mouth.**

**Emily throws her arm across her mouth to muffle her scream. JJ masterfully works both breasts with her mouth as her hand dives deeper, harder, faster, adding fingers as Emily meets each thrust. When JJ knows she is about to come, she makes her way up and once again gives the brunette a deep kiss.**

**"Come for me, baby," JJ urges.**

**And Emily does, glad that JJ kisses her to muffle her scream of ecstasy. As she comes down from the high, she sees JJ's smug smile.**

**"I hate you sometimes," Emily grumbles.**

**JJ giggles. "No you don't."**

**Emily sighs and brings a hand to the blonde's cheek. "Okay, maybe not. But you deserve a spanking for that."**

**"Oh, baby, don't tease me," she says, wiggling her eyebrows.**

**Emily can't help but laugh. "You're incorrigible, Jennifer Jareau. What ever should I do with you?"**

**JJ kisses her deeply and stares into her eyes. "Make love to me?"**

**Emily rolls, settling her legs over one off JJ's thighs. She stares down at the beauty below her. "I shouldn't. I should just leave you hanging after what you did to me."**

**JJ smiles. "You wouldn't do that to a pregnant, hormonally charged lady now, would you?"**

**Emily doesn't answer…she lets her actions speak for her, her own kiss muffling JJ's screams as the golden beauty comes a few minutes later.**

* * *

JJ rolls Emily to her back. Her blue eyes are hooded with desire.

"Em…please…I need…"

Emily pulls her down into a deep kiss. When it ends, she locks eyes with her wife. "Anything you need, Mrs. Prentiss. Anything you need."

She kisses her again. Soon they are making love quietly but urgently as JJ feels herself starting to center emotionally.


	10. Chapter 10

When Emily wakes up for her 3 a.m. bathroom break she is alone in the bed. She sighs.

"Damn it, Jennifer," she mutters as she goes to the bathroom.

After taking care of business, she checks in on Henry and sees JJ is not in there with him. She starts to go downstairs but stops. Instead she turns and makes her way to the bedroom at the other end of the hall. JJ lies on the bed, her back to the door.

From the threshold, Emily just stares at her wife. She had told JJ to wake her if the nightmares invaded her sleep. Instead, JJ had just walked away.

_"What the hell do I do for you, Jennifer? How the hell do I get you to trust me?"_ Emily thinks to herself.

JJ suddenly senses she is not alone. She rolls to her back, Amy's photo hugged to her chest. She sees the disappointment in Emily's face. She sighs and sits up.

"It's not what you think, Em."

Emily steps into the room and closes the door. "You had a nightmare and instead of waking me like I told you to do you ran away. Right?"

"No. I swear." JJ carefully places Amy's photo back on the nightstand. She stands and approaches her wife. "I woke up to go to the bathroom. I checked on Henry and…and I just suddenly needed to talk to Amy."

"I see. About what?" Emily asks, still not sure what to believe.

JJ stares at her wife a moment. She looks down. "I guess I deserve your mistrust," she says dejectedly.

Emily winces. "No! I mean…shit, Jen…what the hell is wrong with us lately? Every time we talk you either end up pissed at me or thinking I don't trust you or you try to get me to run you off. Well, I've got news for you, Jennifer Jareau Prentiss: I _do_ trust you and I'm _not_ going to run off." She takes JJ's hands. "I love you, damn it! Stop trying to piss me off! You do it well enough when you aren't trying!"

JJ stares at her wife a second then starts to laugh. Emily frowns. JJ raises a hand to stop the rant she can see building behind her wife's eyes. She grabs her wife by the back of the neck and pulls her into a deep kiss. When it ends, she stays as close as Rocky will let her.

"I love you, Emily Elizabeth Prentiss. And I swear I wasn't trying to piss you off this time. This was an unintentional piss off." Emily can't help but smile. "I planned to be back before 3, knowing you usually get up about then but I lost track of time. I was actually telling her how great you have been since I started having doubts about the job and myself, while I as in Afghanistan, and how much you are helping me as I try to get past the PTSD and other crap that has my head splitting sometimes. Funnily enough, I was telling her how you made me promise to wake you if I had a nightmare."

"And yet it wasn't a nightmare that woke you this time," Emily says, grinning at the irony.

JJ nods. "Exactly. I promise you, Em, I will wake you when the demons attack."

Emily pulls her into a hug, feeling something settle inside her. "I believe you, Jen. Please…come back to bed?"

JJ nods. "Okay, sweetheart."

Emily opens the door, her arm around her wife's shoulder. They run into Sandy in the hallway.

"Everything okay?" Sandy asks nervously.

JJ smiles and nods. "Yes, Mom. Just had to have a chat with Amy and Emily came to take me back to bed."

Sandy smiles. "Good. Get some sleep, ladies. You both need it."

Emily nods, her eyes studying the dark circles under JJ's eyes. "I second that emotion."

Sandy watches until they are back in JJ's room. She reaches up and rubs the cross she wears around her neck.

"Please, God, help Jenny heal. And thank you, God, for putting Emily Prentiss in her life."

* * *

After a good breakfast, JJ and Emily are on a blanket under the tree in the Jareau's backyard. Henry is "helping" Sandy weed her garden as Alaska watches over them. JJ watches her son and mother, her hand stroking through Emily's hair. Emily is laying down, her head in JJ's lap, her feet up on a pillow as she works on the newspaper crossword puzzle. It was a wonderfully peaceful morning in East Alleghany.

"Thank you," JJ says out of the blue.

Emily looks up from her crossword, "What?"

"Thank you for not letting me run away from you," JJ says.

Emily smiles and reaches back to stroke JJ's arm. "Thank you for not running so far I couldn't catch you."

JJ takes a deep breath. "The woman in your photo album…Svetlana…do you still think about her? Or others?"

"Where is this question coming from?" Emily asks.

JJ shrugs. "She just seems so…so worldly and wise. Others you were with at, say, Yale were smart. I'm sure you dated, or at least spent time with, others overseas. Sometimes I wonder…never mind."

"You wonder what? Talk to me, Jen."

"I just wonder how I stack up against all those exotic, smart, rich women. I worry that at some point you're going to look at me and wonder what you might have missed."

"Jennifer, you _are_ smart. Exotic isn't all it's cracked up to be. And rich is just a number in a bankbook."

"So you don't have any regrets about the path your life has taken? About…about me?"

Emily sits up and turns so she can stare into her wife's eyes. "Svetlana is my past; other women I have been with are my past. You, Jennifer Prentiss, are my present and my future. Never, ever doubt that."

JJ stares into brown eyes filled with love and honesty. "I never will again."

Emily smiles. "Good." She strokes JJ's cheek. "Ever wonder how two ridiculously insecure people finally got their shit together enough to end up married?"

JJ laughs, her eyes sparkling with happiness. "Well, if we hadn't figured it out, Garcia would have done a 'thing' and forced us together."

Emily laughs and lies back down. "True. And Morgan would have helped her. I'd say we drove them both crazy with our lovesick laments. HEY! Lament! That's 22 down!"

JJ rolls her eyes and leans down to kiss Emily's forehead. "Glad I could help my little nerd out with her crossword."

From across the yard, Sandy had watched the interaction between her daughter and daughter-in-law. She saw the brief moment of tense interaction, obviously spurred by something JJ had said. She lets out a sigh of relief when she sees Emily take control of the situation and calm her wife.

"Henry, your mothers are two wonderful women."

"Love Mama! Love Mommy!" he agrees.

Sandy chuckles. "I know you do. I am just so glad they found each other."

"WEED!"

Sandy looks back at her grandson and sighs in amusement. "Actually, that was a pansy. Oh well."

Henry just smiles proudly and throws the "weed" in the trash pile.

* * *

That afternoon, JJ and Emily are heading to the store to pick up some diapers and a few other things. As they turn down one road JJ suddenly steps on the brakes. Emily grabs Rocky protectively.

"What the hell, Jen?"

JJ is staring at a house with a For Sale sign in the front yard, her mind obviously miles away. Emily reaches over and rubs her thigh.

"Jennifer?" she asks with concern.

JJ swallows and turns her attention back to the road. Emily can see the strange look in her eyes, a look she doesn't recognize.

"Jennifer…you're scaring me," Emily admits.

JJ glances at her. Seeing the worry in her eyes she pulls to the side of the road.

"Sorry. That just…kind of threw me for some reason."

"Who lives there, Jen?"

JJ takes a deep breath. "That's where Jacob Wellers grew up," she says softly. "I guess it's okay to have a drug addict for a son but to know…to know what he did to Amy and to me…" her voice fades off.

Emily just holds her wife's hand. She doesn't understand small towns but she does understand how the rumor mill works.

"Raping Amy and trying to kill you means they have to leave, right?" Emily confirms.

JJ nods. "Yeah, I guess so." She looks at Emily. "Do…do you think they knew?"

Emily shrugs. "Oh, honey, I don't know. I don't know them. I'd like to think they didn't."

JJ turns back to the windshield. "Her friends knew. They had to have known. Why didn't any of them say something to us? Why didn't they give us a hint?"

"I don't know. Except…Jacob told people she was willing. Maybe no one wanted to believe any different. It would only compound their pain."

"Maybe," JJ concedes. "Or maybe her friends are just a bunch of assholes like Jaime Dealers."

Emily nods. "Could be that, too. Do you need to know?"

JJ bites her lip as she considers that a minute. "No, I don't think I do. I think the answer would only make me angry, no matter what the answer ends up being."

She puts the SUV in gear and continues on to the store. Emily just keeps her hand on JJ's thigh, reminding her she is not alone.

At the store, they gather the things they need. As they are about to leave, JJ makes her way to the flowers, picking a large bouquet with all sorts of colors. Emily smiles.

"For your Mom?"

JJ shakes her head. "No. We…we need to make a stop before we go home."

Emily nods, having a feeling she knows where they are going. "Okay."

Ten minutes later JJ stops the SUV in the church cemetery. She looks at her wife. "Come with me?"

Emily squeezes her hand. "Of course."

They make their way to Amy's grave. JJ kneels down, pulling up a few weeds and placing the bouquet in the built in vase on the base of the marker. She knocks a couple of leaves off the top of the tombstone.

"Hi, Aim. I remembered a gift this time," she says. "I got the prettiest one I could find, lots of colours just like your room. I remember when you convinced Mom and Dad to let you splatter paint it all those vibrant colours. I started plotting that day a way to make them have us switch rooms." She wipes a tear as she chokes out a chuckle. "Plan never did work."

Emily wipes her own tears away.

"Thanks for the talk last night, Amy. I love and miss you, big sister."

JJ slowly stands. Emily steps to her and wraps her arms around her from behind. "I'll take care of her, Amy," Emily vows. "I'll never let her or you down. I promise."

JJ spins and engulfs Emily in a hug, her tears and sobs ripping at the older woman's soul.

"I've got you, Jen. It's going to be okay. Let it out, baby. Just let it all out."

Emily knows the tears are not just for Amy. They are for a child killed by her own father in Afghanistan. They are for children blown up just because they went to school that day. They are for a young soldier who died in JJ's arms. They are for fear of death. They are for having to kill to stay alive. They are for all the victims, all the families, all the innocents that they work for everyday.

And they are for an 11 year old girl who lost her big sister.

Emily kisses her wife's temple. "I love you, Jennifer." Emily just holds her wife, rubbing her back comfortingly as JJ finally lets loose the emotions that she had been struggling to contain for far longer than anyone should.

As the sobs finally cease and the tears stop falling, Emily leans back to look into blue eyes that are clearer than they have been in a long, long time. She brings her hand up and gently wipes away the tracks of the tears.

"Better?"

JJ manages a smile. "Yeah, actually I am. Thank you for…God, Emily, there is too much to thank you for."

"I don't need thanks, Jen. I just need you."

JJ smiles…and finally Emily sees the twinkle that had been missing. "Charmer."

Emily smiles, relief flowing through her. "Always."

She pulls JJ close again, relishing the knowledge her wife truly had finally made the breakthrough they had been waiting for. After a few more minutes, they turn and, arm in arm, go back to their SUV.


	11. Chapter 11

That night, Henry had awakened at midnight with a dirty diaper. JJ is not surprised as the boy's nap and sleep patterns had been a bit off. When she gets back to the bedroom, she hears Emily let out a familiar moan. JJ raises an eyebrow and walks to her wife's side of the bed. From the light filtering in from the window JJ sees the flush of Emily's cheeks as the woman moans again.

"_An erotic dream, Em? What might your horny body be fantasizing about?"_ she wonders to herself.

As she is about to walk back to her side of the bed, she hears Emily mumble a name. JJ stops, shocked.

"She didn't," she whispers, amused.

She steps to the bed and leans in close. A moment later she is rewarded as Emily says the same name again. JJ's jaw hits the ground as she fights the urge to laugh out loud.

_"Oh, God, Em…was that Aaron or Erin?"_she tries to determine.

The first JJ could understand and even accept. The second option was just too damn twisted for words.

"Oh, yes…there…right there…" Emily murmurs.

JJ has tears in her eyes again…this time of laughter. Finally she has to know. She shakes her wife's shoulder.

"Em? Baby, wake up, honey. You're having a, um, strange dream, sweetheart."

Emily's eyes flutter open. She has a serene smile on her face…then suddenly she realizes where she is and sits up.

"Oh my God!"

JJ grins. "Was that what you were screaming during your dream sex?"

Emily blushes and runs a hand through her hair. "Jennifer…I just had a dream that…oh, hell…"

JJ sits on the side of the bed, amused. "You were talking in your sleep, Em. So tell me, was it Hotch or Straus?"

Emily covers her face with both hands, though it doesn't hide the embarrassed blush coloring her cheeks. "Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God."

JJ pokes her arm. "Well?"

Emily drops her hands and glares at her amused wife. "I dreamt I was so horny you arranged for, uh, a special night with you and, uh, Hotch."

JJ bursts out laughing. "Really? Tell me more!"

Emily slowly shakes her head. "Swear this is just between us?" JJ nods. Emily sighs. "You were both, uh, doing things to me. You were behind me, kissing my neck and playing with my breasts. Hotch was in front and he was…well…you know…"

JJ nods. "Oh, yeah, I can imagine. I'm just glad it was Hotch and not Straus."

Emily blanches. "Oh, ugh! That is just too damn twisted for words."

JJ laughs again. "My exact thoughts, baby. So tell me…how was Hotch?"

Emily chuckles. "He was…very impressive."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. But you know that already, right? I mean that committee chairman said you had an affair with him," Emily teases.

JJ nods, grinning. "Oh, right, I forgot." She runs her hand over Emily's stomach. "So tell me…think you can get back to sleep or are you a bit worked up?"

Emily takes JJ's hand and slides it up under her shirt. She places it on her hard nipple, her eyes getting smoky. "You tell me."

JJ starts to knead the breast. "Definitely worked up," she says huskily.

"Think you can help put me back to sleep?"

JJ leans in and gives her a deep kiss. When it ends she stands and takes off her pajamas. Emily takes off her own as quickly as she can. JJ climbs into the bed.

"I can help you get to sleep…eventually," JJ promises as she kisses her wife again.

And about an hour later…Emily is once again asleep. JJ holds her, their hands locked together over Rocky.

"I love you so much, Emily Prentiss. Thank you for walking through life with me."

She kisses her wife's cheek, content to just watch her sleep until she follows her into slumber.

* * *

"Mark, you are so full of crap!" JJ states.

He laughs. "Am not, Stinkerbell," he says.

JJ turns to Alan. "Dad?"

Alan grins. "He's right, Jenny."

JJ stares at the both. "You're serious? They want to recognize me at halftime tonight? What on Earth for?"

"You were inducted into the school sports hall of fame last year, Jenny. Of course, it was done in absentia because you were chasing down Charles Manson or someone," he explains.

JJ rolls her eyes. "Manson was already caught, Mark."

"I think it's great, Jen. You should go," Emily encourages.

"And what about you?"

"Uh, this pregnant lady is not going to be able to sit in bleaches all night, honey. I wish I could because I would love to see them honour you."

Sandy pats her leg. "We can watch it on the local cable channel. They always televise the game and the halftime show."

Alan nods. "Great! Make sure to tape it so we can show it to the rest of the family."

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Who said I was actually going?" JJ interjects.

The whole family looks at her. She studies each face and then flops back on the couch. "I'm not getting out of this am I?"

Mark grins. "Nope. You're going to be honored tonight, Stinkerbell."

JJ sits forward. "I swear, Mark, if that nickname is used I will have Garcia do a 'thing' and erase your credit history."

He starts to laugh, Emily reaches over and pats his arm. "She's serious."

He stops laughing. "Really?"

Emily nods. "Oh, yeah."

He sobers a bit. "Ah. So, uh, see you all at the game." He leans over and gives Emily a kiss on the cheek. "And I will see you tomorrow."

"See you later, Mark."

After Mark leaves, Alan and Sandy go check on dinner. Emily sees it for what it is…a chance to see what's got JJ so tied up about the halftime ceremony.

"Jen?"

JJ sighs. "Why, Emily? Why me?"

"Well, you were a 4 year varsity starter, captain, 2-time All Pennsylvania selection, have the record for assists in a season at your high school and are top 5 for all time goals scored. In college you were a 4 year starter, captain, 2nd team and then 1st team All American. You're an FBI agent credited with stopping a terrorist attack on American soil, you-"

JJ had been staring at her wife in astonishment. "How the hell did you know all that about high school and college?"

Emily grins. "Surprised?"

"Shocked as shit, actually."

"SHIT!" Henry echoes.

JJ closes her eyes, blushing as Emily tries to muffle a giggle.

"JENNIFER ANDREA JAREAU PRENTISS! DID I JUST HEAR WHAT I THINK I HEARD?" Sandy yells from the kitchen.

"Jenny's in trouble, Jenny's in trouble," Emily teases.

JJ glares at her wife. "Cut. Off. For. Life. Prentiss." she threatens. She looks at her son who is smiling proudly. "Henry, bad word. Time out."

Henry looks from JJ to Emily. "Mama?" he asks.

JJ's jaw drops. "Hey! I'm the Mommy and I say time out!"

Emily clamps her lips closed, knowing she needs to let JJ handle this. Henry looks back at his Mommy. He lets out a heartfelt sigh and drops to his knees.

"Bad," he says sadly.

JJ rolls her eyes. He had such a way of making them feel bad when he's the one in the wrong. She looks over at her wife. Emily gives her an encouraging wink. JJ just sits back on the couch.

"Mind if I take Little Man with me tonight?"

Emily smiles. "I think he'll have a great time. He can play with Abby while you and Alan watch the game."

"True. And you'll get to spoil AJ here. Will give you a bit of a refresher course in newborns."

Emily chuckles. "True." She rubs her stomach. "Two and a half weeks, Jen."

JJ nods, pride in her eyes. "I know. I can't wait to meet her." She looks down at their son. "Okay, Henry, time out is over."

He leaps up, a smile on his face. "Love Mommy."

She opens her arms and he crawls up on her lap. "Love you, too, Henry."

She kisses his head, just enjoying reconnecting with her little boy.

* * *

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are proud tonight to welcome one of our athletic superstars back to East Alleghany High School. A 1995 graduate, Jennifer Jareau Prentiss was a standout on our women's soccer team, twice leading them to the state championships, which they won her senior year off of one of her record setting assists. She then went on to star at the University of Pittsburgh, being named conference freshman striker of the year and was twice named to the NCAA All American team.

"After leaving Pitt, she earned her masters in Criminal Justice at Georgetown University and then entered the FBI Academy. Since becoming an FBI agent, JJ, as she is affectionately known, has been on the front lines of the war on terrorism as well as working with a unit tracking serial killers across the United States. Recently back from a tour in Afghanistan, we are happy tonight to honor her induction into the East Alleghany High School Sports Hall of Fame.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please give a rousing cheer for Agent Jennifer Jareau Prentiss."

The stands erupt in cheers as JJ self-consciously waves from the track just in front of the bleachers. She accepts a plaque from the current principle and poses for a couple of photos. She then makes her way back to her father, son and niece. She gets a few handshakes as she goes. She is nearly to the steps when a figure she hadn't expected steps in front of her.

"Mr. Wellers," she says, shock on her face.

He stares at her. "Hi, Jenny." He looks away a moment then back to her. "Sorry isn't enough but it's all I have."

JJ slowly nods. "I…I understand."

"I swear, I never knew what he did to Amy. I hope you can believe that. If I had known I'd have marched him down to the police station myself. And when I heard what he tried to do to you I…" he just shakes his head, unable to finish the thought.

It doesn't take a profiler to see the man truly is devastated by the actions of his oldest child. JJ reaches out and lays a hand on his arm.

"One thing my job with the FBI's BAU has taught me is we can't hold the sins of the father against the child. It goes both ways. His sins are his and his alone. Your apology, though not necessary, is accepted, Mr. Wellers."

He looks up at JJ, choked up. "Thank you," he whispers. He turns and hurries away. JJ watches him go. When she turns back to the bleachers she sees her father staring at her.

"Dad?"

"How could you forgive him, Jenny?" he asks in astonishment.

"He didn't hurt Amy, Dad. Jacob did. He didn't attack me. Jacob did."

"Yes, but-"

"Dad…think of Declan. Can you blame a son for the father or vice versa?"

Alan stares at his daughter. Slowly he shakes his head. "You're a better person that me, Jenny. Yes…yes I can blame Sebastian Wellers for what Jacob Wellers did. He raised a boy who didn't give a damn about women. His son cost me one daughter and nearly cost me a second." He shakes his head. "I'll never forgive him. Never."

JJ pulls her father into a hug, letting him hide his face so no one sees the tears. She knows everyone around them knows about Amy and Jacob. It's a small town and, in some ways, always would be. Finally she eases back.

"Come on, Dad, let's go watch the second half."

Alan nods. JJ picks up Henry as Alan takes Abby's hand so they can go back up to their seats to watch the rest of the game.

* * *

Emily looks at her wife with concern. "So is Alan okay?"

JJ shrugs. "We…didn't talk after that. I mean, not about that. I told him to think about Declan and why we can only hold people accountable for their own actions. I really don't think Mr. Wellers knew what Jacob had done. All his physical markers showed honesty and shame, no deception."

Emily stares at her wife a moment then smiles. "Spoken like a profiler, Agent Jareau."

JJ looks up from digging in her toiletries kit. She stares at Emily in the mirror. Finally she smiles. "Yeah…I guess it was." She slowly turns and smiles at her wife. "Thank you for pointing that out."

"Does it scare you or worry you? That the profiler just…happened when you talked to him?"

JJ leans against the sink. "No, it doesn't. It just feels…right."

Emily walks closer and places her hands on JJ's hips. "Because you are who you are, Jennifer. And you are a profiler."

JJ nods. "Yeah, I am. For the first time in I don't know how long that thought doesn't make me feel sick to the stomach."

Emily kisses her forehead. "I'm glad, baby. You know I would have supported you no matter what you decided to do but I think it would have hurt you more to walk away from the job than you realize."

JJ nods. "I know that. Now, at least. Had you said that this morning I would have told you that you are full of crap."

Emily grins. "Always a charmer, Agent Jareau."

JJ grins back. "Always, Agent Prentiss." JJ thinks a moment. "What would you say if I told you I wanted to go in for half a day on Monday? Just to…test the waters; to see where I am mentally."

"I already told you, Jen: I support you no matter what. I love you and all I want is for you to be happy."

"And if I'm not at the house to make sure you don't work?"

Emily rubs her stomach. "She'll be there to remind me not to work."

JJ smiles and kisses her wife. "Good. I love you, Emily."

"I love you, too, Jen."

The two share another kiss. Just as it nearly leads to other things they hear a throat clear. They break away, both bright red as Alan smiles at them.

"Heard you two talking and wanted to say goodnight. So, uh, goodnight."

JJ steps to her father and gives him a hug. "Night, Dad. I love you."

"I love you, too, Sports Star. Sleep well…eventually," he adds with a wink to Emily.

The brunette bursts out laughing as JJ turns BRIGHT red.

"I can't believe my father intimated that…you know…" JJ mutters.

Emily clucks. "Hey, now, you act like you were the one that wanted to stay chaste in your bedroom. I believe that was me, Jen."

JJ grins. "It's one thing to get away with sex at my parents house. It's another thing for them to know."

Emily steps closer. "So does that mean I'm not getting lucky tonight?"

JJ nods. "That's exactly what it means."

Emily grins mischievously. "Good…I love a challenge."

She licks her way up JJ's neck to her ear before nipping the lobe gently. JJ moans her knees getting weak. As she brings her hands up to Emily's chest, the brunette steps away.

"See you in the bedroom."

JJ groans. "Evil, Emily. Totally freakin' evil."

Emily winks and continues on. As JJ walks out of the bathroom a couple minutes later, Emily's sleep shirt hits her in the face. JJ smirks at the invitation.

"Ready or not, baby, here I come."

Emily whispers from the bedroom. "Hopefully I'll be coming, too."

And yes she does. Several times. As does JJ. Another wonderful night in Jareauville.


	12. Chapter 12

Saturday afternoon JJ is softly singing the lullaby Emily sings to Henry. But this time, she is singing it to her nephew AJ. She stares down into his angelic face as he sucks on his fist, much like Henry used to do. She kisses his forehead.

"You are such a sweet little boy, aren't you?"

It hits her out of nowhere that she could have missed all this had the worst happened in Afghanistan. Not only would she have missed meeting him, she would not have met her daughter. She looks up and sees Emily chatting with Shelby, most likely about end of pregnancy discomfort. A hand lands on her shoulder.

"You okay, Jenny?" Mark asks with concern.

JJ manages a smile. "Yeah. Just playing the 'what if' game in my head."

He stares at her. "How…how close was it over there, Jenny? Really."

JJ sighs, her finger stroking AJ's cheek. "A couple times, really close." She looks at her brother. "I was shot in the chest plate, Mark. That last away mission."

"Holy shit," he mutters and takes a swig of beer. "Why the hell didn't you tell us?"

She shrugs. "Didn't want to scare you. Didn't want to put that look on your face."

"What about other times? Were there other times? How'd you really hurt your ankle?"

"Like I said, a beam fell on it."

"Why did the beam fall, Jenny? And don't give me the song and dance about old buildings. I may not be a profiler but I've known you my whole life and I know when you're lying."

JJ stares into his eyes. "Suicide bomber. Took out the front of the building I was in. Killed our interpreter and hurt a bunch of people."

He takes another swig then stares at the bottle, trying to figure out how it got empty. He starts to peel the label.

"I don't know what I'd do if I lost you, Jenny. Losing Amy is…is a wound that has never healed. But I still had you." He looks up, blue eyes colliding with blue. "You better not die on me, Jenny. I'll figure out a way to make your afterlife hell if you do."

JJ smiles at him. "Back atcha, Mark. Back atcha."

"That said, I am so proud to be your brother. The things you do, the people you save, it just makes me so glad to know someone like you is out there chasing down the bad guys. You make this world a safer place for Abby and AJ both."

JJ tilts her head, studying her brother. "Did Emily put you up to this pep talk?"

He frowns in confusion. "No. All this sappiness is me."

JJ smiles and reaches a hand out to him. "Thanks, Mark. I really needed to hear that. Means more to me than you know."

He stares at her. "You were thinking about quitting, weren't you?"

JJ nods. "The thought had crossed my mind. I even considered a transfer or accepting a promotion that was offered to me."

"I see." He sits forward and stares into her eyes. "I will always love you, no matter what. But if I may say so, quitting would be wrong, Jenny. Being an FBI agent is who you are. Being with the BAU, with that team, that is where you belong. They are your family as much as we are. I think you would hate being anywhere else."

She squeezes his hand. "I may not say this often but I mean it: you're the best big brother a girl could have."

He smiles. "Even when I call you Stinkerbell?"

She shrugs. "Okay, maybe not the _best_."

They laugh. In her arms, AJ starts to stir. She looks down as he opens his eyes. Though she knows he is too young to be focusing she can't help but feel he is staring right at her.

"Hey, Little Fella. I'm your Aunt JJ and I plan to spoil you rotten. Yes, I do. Think you can handle that?" She looks up at Mark. "He says he can."

Mark chuckles. "Well, since his college scholarship is already set up I can help you with that spoiling, too."

"It is? How is-" her voice breaks off as she looks over at her wife. She remembers a discussion they once had about the children always being taken care of. JJ looks back at Mark. "She's set up funds for both of them, didn't she?"

Mark looks surprised. "You didn't know?"

JJ smiles, shaking her head. "I sort of did. It just didn't register. She set ones up for Henry and Jack without ever telling me. I guess I should have known she'd done it for Abby and AJ, too."

He nods. "Yep. Pays the taxes on it, too, so we don't get stung every April."

JJ rolls her eyes. "I really, really need to start paying attention to the whole Prentiss thing. Have you and Shelby thought about what vacation you want to take?"

Mark shrugs. "We don't know. By summer AJ will be a little more mobile but I still think he's too young for Disney. I thought about maybe accepting her offer of a trip to that island where you all honeymooned. That way the kids can play in the sand and surf without us having to worry about strangers and overcrowding and stuff."

"Well, whatever you want is fine by us. I just don't know how to thank you both enough for what you did for us."

Mark smiles. "I was happy to do it, Jen. We didn't need the vacation or anything. It was just the right thing to do. Any thoughts as to what you're going to do next time you want to have a baby?"

JJ nods. "Yeah, we're going to go to a bar, chose a guy and take him back for a threesome."

Mark bursts out laughing. "Riiiiight! Because I can see Emily standing by while _that_ happens!"

JJ laughs. "Yeah, that could be ugly. Truth is, we're just trying to get past Rocky's birth. Give us a year or so and we'll think about me. Know any hot guys we could talk to?"

He shakes his head. "Oh, no. Don't get me in the middle of that one!"

The two continue to talk and laugh, having one of their best conversations in years.

* * *

"Are you scared?" Shelby asks.

"Terrified," Emily admits. "If I hadn't had all the blood pressure issues I think I would have been okay. But between that problem and some physical issues I have I am terrified I have hurt her."

Shelby studies the worried woman a moment. "Would it matter?"

Emily looks at her in confusion. "Would what matter?"

"Say she is born with a handicap, mental or physical, would it matter?"

Emily had never really thought of it that way. She rubs her stomach, thinking of the life growing within her. She smiles and shakes her head. "Not a damn bit. I love her no matter what. She's our daughter."

Shelby smiles. "Then as the saying goes, 'Let go and let God.' Just calm down and take it one day at a time, Emily. And love whoever God blesses you with."

"Loving her is the easy part," Emily states. "I've loved her from the moment they showed me the first sonogram and I knew this was really happening."

Shelby nods. "And that's how it should be."

"You know, we can never thank you enough for what you and Mark have gifted us with."

Shelby chuckles. "Emily, you have set up college accounts for both our children. Trust me, that's a lot more than Mark would have gotten if he'd just gone to sperm bank for spending cash."

Emily bursts out laughing. "Okay…never thought of it that way. But still, name the vacation and it's yours."

"We're leaning towards the private island. That way the kids can just play as much as they want and we don't have to worry about strangers and overcrowding and things like that."

Emily nods. "It really is beautiful. The pictures we took didn't do the place justice. You all would have a wonderful time."

"Well, we'll let you know by April when we'll know Mark's summer schedule."

Emily agrees. "Good plan. And if you want to, I can even arrange a nanny so you and Mark can have a little alone time, too."

Shelby's smile broadens. "This keeps getting better and better!"

Emily laughs and they clink tea glasses together.

* * *

As they get ready for bed that night, JJ pulls Emily into a hug.

"Have I told you lately how much I love you?"

Emily gives her a small kiss. "I can always stand to hear it again."

JJ wraps her fingers in Emily's hair and pulls her down into a deep, passionate kiss. When it ends, she stares into her wife's chocolate eyes.

"I love you so much, Emily Prentiss. You make me feel safe, loved, adored, wonderful. You love my family as if they were your own blood. You love our son as if you had given birth to him. And you are carrying our daughter and already doing everything you can to protect her. I never thought I could love someone the way I love you. You have my heart, my soul, my body. Now and always."

Emily strokes a hand down JJ's cheek. "Te amo, Jennifer. Ustedes son mi mundo. Yo me siento orgulloso de ser su esposa. Hacer el amor para mí. Por favor."*

JJ studies her wife's face. "Why do you speak to me in Spanish?"

Emily is confused by the out of the blue question. "Uh, what?"

"You speak to me in Spanish. Your parents, especially your father, tend to use Italian more if they aren't speaking English. But you use Spanish with me. Why?"

Emily shrugs. "I've never had to speak Spanish to a woman before."

JJ thinks a moment then shakes her head. "What?"

Emily grins, laying her forehead on JJ's. "I've dated women where I had to use Italian, German, French, even some Russian. And, obviously, English. But I have never had to use Spanish to speak to one of my lovers. You are dear and special to me. Speaking Spanish to you is just a way to…to show you that you are unique and special to me."

JJ pulls Emily into another kiss. As it ends, she starts to lift Emily's shirt. "Thank you, sweetheart. You mean so much to me. If I could, I'd use another language, too."

Emily smiles. "I thought you knew French."

JJ chuckles. "I took French. I didn't say I know French."

Emily laughs, allowing JJ to lift up her shirt. JJ's mouth goes to Emily chest, lavishing kisses and licks along the top of Emily's bra.

"Oh, Jen…"

JJ slowly slides the bra straps down Emily's arms, kissing from her shoulder down to the elbow. As she peels the bra downward, her mouth moves to the full, sensitive breasts. Emily moans, arching her back, forcing more of her breast into JJ's mouth. JJ moans at the offering as her hands move around back to undo the clasp of the bra. As it falls to the ground, JJ looks up into her wife's eyes.

"Lay down, Emily."

Emily complies, her chest heaving with desire. JJ strokes a hand up her wife's leg. Emily's nipples are hard, their tips pointing sky ward. JJ uses her hands to slowly slide the pants and underwear from her wife's body. She studies the now naked beauty in front of her.

"You are gorgeous, Emily. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever known."

"I love you, Jennifer," Emily pants. "Please…I need to feel you on me…skin to skin."

JJ smiles slyly. "I thought you'd never ask."

She slowly undresses, making sure her wife's eyes never stray from the display in front of her. When she is done, she runs a hand over her already hard nipples.

"Do you like what you see?"

"Oh, yes, Jen. Yes, baby, I do."

"I like what I see, too. You look delicious."

Emily moans as JJ crawls up the bed, settling between her wife's legs. She blows on wet, dark curls, loving it when Emily's hips thrust up, opening her more to JJ. JJ flattens her tongue and draws it up Emily's center.

"Oh, Jen! Oh, yes, baby!"

JJ gently pushes her wife's legs father apart, making Emily's clit stand at attention in its nest of dark curls.

"So fucking beautiful, Emily," JJ gasps.

She teases the hard nub with her tongue, loving it when Emily's hips thrust up, begging for more contact. JJ plays a few minutes, not giving Emily the satisfaction she needs…yet.

Emily wraps her hand in golden curls. "Please, Jen. Please make scream. Show me I am alive."

JJ brings up a hand to stroke Emily's folds as her tongue continues to toy with Emily's clit. She brings her other hand up to tease Emily's full breasts. Emily arches into the touch, her body needing more.

"Jen, oh, God, Jen, please. Please just fuck me!"

JJ wants to draw Emily's pleasure out but she recognizes that for the needy woman the teasing would just be cruel.

JJ thrusts her two fingers in deep, loving the feel of the inner walls clutching at her. Emily's hips dance with JJ's hand, working her up, up, up into an orgasm. The brunette would swear she saw fireworks as JJ took her.

"Oh, Jen, it feels so goooood."

JJ smiles at the woman in front of her, her mouth and hands working her into frenzy. After just a few minutes, JJ is rewarded by another onrush of Emily's desire.

As Emily's body relaxes a smug JJ stares down at her wife. "Do you know how sexy it is that you can make me come just by watching you come?"

Emily smiles. "I don't know first hand…but I've got a hell of an imagination."

JJ smiles and crawls up beside her wife. She strokes her hand down Emily's cheek.

"I love you, Emily. Thank you for exceeding my dreams."

"I love you, too, Jen. I didn't even know I could dream for someone like you."

Emily rolls to her side. She starts to caress one of JJ's breasts. "Oh, Em…"

Emily starts to roll to take that breast in her mouth…but Rocky has other ideas.

"Unnnggghhh!" Emily rolls to her back.

JJ sits up, her eyes immediately going to the clock on the nightstand. "Contraction?"

Emily nods. With JJ's help she gets up and starts to walk it off. Finally it eases up, JJ again looks at the clock. Emily smiles.

"Just Braxton Hicks, baby."

"Maybe, maybe not. I'll let you know in an hour."

Emily just smiles, remembering she was just as nervous when JJ was this far along. She sits down on the side of the bed.

"Sorry about leaving you hanging."

JJ steps up between her legs. "You could-"

And then Henry starts to fuss. They both laugh.

"Our kids are already competing for our attention, Jen. Sure you want a couple more to add to the mix?"

JJ leans down and gives her wife a kiss. "Definitely."

Emily smiles. "Good. Me, too."

JJ pulls her pajamas back on and goes to see to Henry. By the time she returns to the room, her wife is fast asleep. JJ crawls into bed beside her, watching her sleep and imagining their future filled with more kids and, as always, lots and lots of love.

* * *

***Per Babylon Translator:**

**You are my world. I am proud to be your wife. Make love to me. Please.**


	13. Chapter 13

When JJ and Emily get home on Sunday afternoon, Emily decides to lie down for a while. Yes, the Lexus is comfortable but nothing is perfect for a woman 38 weeks pregnant and achy even on the best days.

After getting Henry down for a nap and some laundry started, JJ goes into the private office and opens the safe. She pulls out the Prentiss/Dupois files and sets them on the desk. In the bottom tray of a file box are the latest statements that hadn't been filed away yet. She shakes her head in amusement. Emily hadn't even opened them.

JJ starts up the computer and sits down, her mind working out the best way to chart these various accounts, trusts, and businesses. She taps her finger on the edge of the desk and decides Excel is the way to do what she needs to do to understand and feel comfortable with all this information.

She starts by opening the latest statements. She has a worksheet for each type of income. Within that work sheet she has sections for each company that sends a statement. The more she types the more she just shakes her head.

"How the hell do you not even look at this crap, Emily," she mutters.

When she gets to the last folder in the box she is confused. This account shows debits only. The money goes to an account in Italy. She searches through the stack she had made for international holdings and cannot find a matching account.

"Where the hell does this go?"

She goes through everything once more but the money is fed into that account from two trusts and then goes somewhere else. She shakes her head and goes back through the statements. Unlike others, this actually has notations in Emily's writing. Dates, codes, nothing that explains it. JJ senses someone behind her and turns.

"Feel better about things?" Emily asks.

"Most things." She holds up the questionable statement. "What is this, Em? I can't figure out where the money goes."

Emily smiles sadly and nods. "I know. It bounces several more times after Italy, too."

JJ raises an eyebrow. "Emily, is this…something illegal?"

She chuckles. "Sort of. I mean, technically it's furthering a kidnapping."

"Furthering a kidnapping? What the hell does-" and then it hits JJ. She looks at the notations and dates. She slowly looks back up at her wife. "This is how Tom supports Declan?"

Emily nods. "Yes. I set it up with the help of a retired financial adviser I knew. We routed it so many different ways I'm not sure even Garcia could trace it back to me. We had to make sure Doyle and his cronies could never find a financial link between Emily Prentiss and Tom Colter. But Tom needed the money to give Declan a good, safe home."

"How did he explain it?"

"Inheritance from a long lost relative."

"Yeah, because that isn't suspicious or anything."

"Tom was protected from Doyle. He just had to keep the IRS happy. The advisor made sure he did."

JJ just shakes her head. "I never even thought about how he supported Declan, how he afforded that house and the private school on a State Department salary."

Emily grins. "And very few others thought about it. The ones that did accepted the inheritance angle."

"Do your parents know?"

Emily nods. "Mother does. Not sure about Father. She is the one that helped us find the 'relative' that left the money to Tom."

JJ blows out a breath. "That is such a tangled web."

"Yes. But it was solid and it was safe. It was the only way to save that little boy."

JJ stands and smiles. "You amaze me, Emily." She pulls her into a hug. "With all you were dealing with back then you still managed to pull all that off in what I am guessing was a relatively short amount of time."

Emily shrugs. "I had three weeks to get him to America, 'kill' him, get him moving around the U.S., get the accounts set up, and get him to Tom. I was damn lucky it came together as fast and easy as it did. I have a feeling Ester was just a step behind me for a while."

"And that's why as soon as it was done you walked away from Tom and Declan forever."

"Yes. I knew Ester would keep an eye on me. I couldn't risk him finding out that the death of Declan was faked."

"What would they have done to Declan?"

Emily sighs. "They would have teased him by showing him Doyle but not letting him get to him. His tears, his fear would have been a dagger in Doyle's heart. Maybe Doyle would have broken to save his son, maybe not. But Declan didn't deserve that torture no matter how long it lasted."

JJ has tears in her eyes as she contemplates what Emily has said. She takes a deep breath. "I should have kicked him in the balls again."

Emily laughs and pulls her wife into a hug. "That's what I love about you, Jen. You are always striving for peace and non-violence."

JJ laughs. "Yep, that's me!"

* * *

Sunday afternoon JJ calls Hotch, trying not to chuckle as she thinks about Emily's dream. He is surprised when he answers.

"Is Rocky coming?" he immediately asks.

"What? No! Why?"

"It's Sunday and you're on leave."

"True. You know how you offered me the chance to work half days?"

"Yes."

"I'd like to try that tomorrow. I have an appointment with Dr. Westfallen at 10. Maybe I could come in after that, look at a few cases, try to…to see if the things I have figured out this week are right."

There is a pause on the other end of the line. When Hotch speaks she can hear the nervousness in his voice.

"May I ask what you figured out?"

JJ smiles and instinctively nods. "Yes, of course. I'm an agent, Hotch. That's what I am meant to be. And I am a profiler. That's who I am."

She hears the smile in his voice as he speaks. "See you around noon, JJ."

"Thanks, Hotch."

She hangs up and goes down to get the first load of laundry out of the dryer. When she gets to the bedroom she finds Emily on the bed reading to Henry.

"Hi Mommy!"

"Hey, Little Man. You reading a story to Mama?" He nods happily. "Good. She's getting kinda old so it will be helpful if you can help her out."

Emily raises an eyebrow. "Watch it, Mommy." She looks at Henry. "She's being mean to Mama."

Henry frowns and wags his finger at his Mommy. "Bad Mommy! Mama love!"

JJ laughs. "You know, I hope Rocky loves me as much as he loves you. Otherwise I'll feel like a fourth wheel."

Emily shrugs. "What can I say? I have a way with blondes."

JJ rolls her eyes as Henry just snuggles up against Emily and pats the book, encouraging her to read more. JJ watches them as she folds, loving the way her wife and son act together. She could not wait to see how Rocky enhanced their lives.

* * *

At 2:30 in the morning, JJ shoots up in bed. She is covered with sweat and unable to catch her breath. Her gasps wake Emily.

"Jen?" Emily looks over her shoulder, her eyes widening. "JEN!"

Emily sits up, turning on the bedside light. "Jennifer, breathe, baby. It was just a nightmare."

JJ slowly scans the room, the images in her mind being replaced by the comfort of reality. She finally makes her way to Emily.

"Henry…I need…"

Emily nods, giving her wife a squeeze as she gets up to fetch their son. When she returns she sees JJ returning her water glass to the nightstand, her hand visibly shaking. Emily sets Henry on the bed and even half asleep he immediately makes his way to his Mommy. She strokes a hand over his head.

"Hey, Little Man. Sorry to disturb you. I love you, Henry."

"Lub…Mo…my," he mumbles as he falls back asleep.

Emily eases into the bed and rubs JJ's back. "Want to talk about it?"

"I couldn't find him. I was at the mall and he was just gone. I was looking around and suddenly I was in my BDU's. Morgan was yelling at me that I was an idiot for taking Henry to Afghanistan with me. I tried to tell him I wasn't there but, of course, I was. I was confused and I was trying to find him and then you were there holding him. He was…" JJ sobs at the image. "He was covered in blood, Em. You were so mad. You said I'd killed him."

Emily, tears in her eyes, pulls her wife close. "He's okay, honey. You would never, ever take him into a dangerous situation. You know that. He is safe here in bed with you. It's just your mind fucking with you."

JJ slowly nods. She takes a deep breath, forcing a smile to her face. "You…you cussed in front of him."

Emily smiles. "He's asleep so I'm safe."

JJ finally looks up from their sleeping son. "Thank you."

"No thanks needed, sweetheart. I told you: whatever you need, whenever you need it."

JJ leans over and gives her wife a kiss. "Guess we need to get back to sleep."

"You go ahead and lay down. Rocky is not happy about waking up before our regular 3 a.m. break so she is punting my bladder repeatedly."

JJ manages a laugh as Emily gets up to go to the bathroom. JJ scoots down in bed, snuggling up with her son. She kisses head.

"I love you, Henry. I will always, always protect you."

Emily comes back in a few minutes later. As she lies down, she looks at her wife. "Okay?"

"Better. I love you, Em."

"I love you, too, sweetheart."


	14. Chapter 14

"Good morning. If you don't mind my saying so you look better than last time I saw you," Dr. Westfallen says to JJ.

JJ smiles. "I feel better."

"Nightmares?"

"Yes. Not every night. Strangely, when I do get them they are worse than they were before. Guess my psyche saves up the images for one big show," she says with a grin.

Westfallen is glad to see JJ able to joke about the dreams. "Yes, that's how the mind works sometimes. What are your thoughts on work?"

JJ takes a deep breath. "I'm going in for a half day today. I need to see if I really am okay with going back. I know in my heart what I am and what I am meant to be. I just need to make sure my head agrees."

"You do understand that even if now isn't the time to return that doesn't mean you will never go back, right?"

JJ nods. "I know. That's why I want to see if it's too soon or not."

"And if it's time to go back, will you still travel right now knowing Emily is due in, what, a week?"

"Two weeks. And yes, I think I can. She's doing the right things. We have an incredible support group around us. Though it would terrify me on some levels, if by chance I am out of town when Rocky decides to debut, I know they will be safe until I can get to them."

Westfallen smiles. "That's a big admission, Jennifer."

"Big and scary," JJ admits. She thinks a minute. "Emily was facing the same thing when I was pregnant. It was just a quirk of fate that Henry came early after we had just come back from a case. That was already going to be my last time traveling with them." She chuckles. "Just didn't expect it to be the last because Henry had arrived."

Westfallen grins and nods. "I expect not. How are you feeling about your place on the team?"

"You mean the bad luck thing?" Westfallen nods. "I think that was just self-pity masquerading as concern for them."

"Good call."

JJ laughs. "Yeah, I'm not sure I fooled anyone but myself with that one. All in all I'm feeling really good about things. Now, do I think I'm cured? Nope. With my job, with what we see and do, with knowing there's a psycho out there with us on his drawing board, I know I will have bad days. But I think I trust the people around me and you enough to know I can work past those issues."

"I'm am very happy for you, Jennifer. I was worried you would walk away from the FBI and I knew that would actually do more harm than good in the long run."

"Why didn't you say so?"

She shakes her head. "That wasn't my place to say. You had to come into that knowledge on your own for it to really sink in."

JJ laughs. "Kinda like Dorothy figuring out Kansas isn't so bad after all?"

Westfallen nods. "Something like that."

The two continue to talk about JJ's revelations and feelings about the job until her appointment ends. Westfallen is thrilled to see the spark that had been missing back in her patient's eyes.

"You are doing incredibly good, Jennifer. But, as always, I'm just a phone call away if you feel yourself slipping a bit."

JJ nods and stands. "I know. That safety net helps, trust me."

"You be safe out there. Go catch a bad guy."

JJ grins. "My pleasure."

* * *

JJ steps off the elevator onto the BAU floor. From the safety of the hallway she stares down at the bullpen. Her stomach flutters with nerves, almost like her first day so many years before. She senses someone watching her and turns to see a curious Hotch watching her.

"Hi, Boss. I'm ready to work."

He nods and walks towards her. "Are you sure?"

She smiles and he is glad to see the confidence in her face. "Yes, I am. I need to work back in slowly but I'm here to work. Maybe half day for a couple days?" she asks.

He nods. "However long you need. The team is not the same without you. Rossi and Morgan are on an inmate visit. Reid will be glad to have someone to talk to. Especially since it's you."

"Thank you for saying that. And for everything. I really appreciate this, Hotch."

"It was about time for your breakdown. We all have them at some point," he notes.

"True. So, guess I need to get back to it."

"If you need anything my door is always open."

"I know. That helps."

JJ heads down to her desk. She smiles at Reid as she turns on her computer. When he gets off the phone he stands.

"Welcome back."

"Thanks. I really missed this place." She taps his arm. "And working with you."

"I was really scared you wouldn't come back," he admits softly. "The team wouldn't have been right without you here."

"Thanks, Reid. I was scared I wouldn't come back, too. And I may not be fully okay but I'm getting there. A few half days will help me get back into the swing of things."

"Good. If you need anything, just throw a piece of paper at me. That's what Morgan used to do."

JJ laughs. "Good to know. Thanks, Reid."

* * *

By Thursday JJ is back to working full days. The team and her wife were happy to see the job had actually helped click the last few pieces together in JJ's mind. On Friday she is working on a consult when Reid sees Garcia hurrying to Hotch's office.

"Uh oh. Looks like we have a case."

JJ whines. "Really? On Friday? Declan has a game tonight!"

Reid chuckles. "Damn those bad guys for not checking the football schedule."

JJ slides a glance at him. "You need to stop emailing with Emily, smart ass."

He just chuckles.

In Hotch's office, Garcia closes the door and paces nervously in front of his desk.

"We have a case that really needs the team but I don't know if we should go. I mean, the last one we all dealt with was hard on her and this one could send her into the stratosphere and she just got back and now this is so…oh, God, and yes, they need us but-"

"GARCIA!" Hotch's voice finally cuts through her nervous ramble. "What is the case?" he demands from the frazzled woman.

Garcia hands him the file. He looks it over and pinches the bridge of his nose. He finally looks at her. "Gather the team. We'll let her decide."

Garcia nods and heads out. Five minutes later the team is waiting for her to start. She passes out the folders.

"Macon, Georgia and the surrounding cities. Police are-"

"Holy shit! Are you fucking serious?" JJ blurts. She looks up at Garcia. "First dogs, now this? Are you trying to kill me? Really?"

Garcia winces. "I'm sorry, Jayje, but they really need us." She looks to Hotch for help.

"JJ, if you want to sit this out none of us will think any less of you."

JJ stares at him, then down at the folder in front of her. She can feel everyone's eyes on her. She takes a deep breath.

"I'll…let me…just talk, Garcia," she mutters.

Garcia looks at Hotch who nods. "So, uh, the police in that area connected 5 murders. The women were all kidnapped while pregnant and later found dead. The children were not found with them and there is evidence that the children were actually born. There is no lead on the children at this time though I will be running databases for adoptions in and around Georgia."

JJ is staring at the picture of victim number 4. Her long brunette hair is neatly done. The bodies had been laid out carefully with no post-mortem desecration. The women had even been killed by the seemingly humane way of being drugged then smothered. They would have suffered little at the time of death but not knowing what was to happen to their children would have been devastating. The remorse in the way the bodies were dumped is unusual considering the terror that they must have felt while captive.

JJ looks up and sees everyone is staring at her. She takes a deep breath and looks at Hotch.

"Wheels up in 30?"

He nods. "Yes."

She stands. "See you on the plane. I need to call Emily."

She walks out of the room. Everyone looks at Hotch. He stands. "You heard her." He looks at the analyst. "Get on those searches."

She nods. "Yes, sir."

Garcia makes her way into the hall but waits until she sees JJ walk out of the bullpen, her go bag over her shoulder.

"Jayje?" she says nervously.

JJ walks up to her best friend and smiles. "Good call, Garcia. They need our help before victim number 6 is taken and found dead."

"So…you're not pissed at me?"

JJ grins. "Of course not. Might want to kick in the teeth of The Fates, but I'm not mad at you. This…this is the job. And it's a job I'm damn good at. It's who I am."

Garcia smiles. "Damn right it is. If you need anything, you call me."

JJ pats her arm. "I will."

"And I plan to move into Chateau Prentiss until you return."

JJ chuckles. "I figured as much. Thanks, Pen. I really appreciate it."

Garcia pulls her into a hug. "I love you, Jayje."

"I love you, too, Pen."

JJ moves away and catches the elevator to the ground floor. And just like that, JJ is back to work.

* * *

**A/N: This story is dedicated to my nephew and other servicemen and women struggling with the affects of PTSD. May they all some day find peace and reconciliation with what they experienced while at war for our freedoms.**


End file.
